


Call Me, Beep Me (If You Wanna Reach Me)

by insideyourmisery



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Baekyeol love hate each other bye, Gen, Group chat, I'm sorry Junmyeon, M/M, OT12 - Freeform, Such a clever title haha not, Texting, Unrequited krisho, failed crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-09-25 19:20:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 29,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9840449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insideyourmisery/pseuds/insideyourmisery
Summary: Chanyeol and Baekhyun fight too much. Sehun is a little shit. Kyungsoo questions why he's even apart of the messy chat and Yifan, who rarely texts, is added just because.Or, the group chat where EXO are a bunch of idiots.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Because instead of making an actual serious fic, why not make a gc one. Literally. It's all I've been reading so I kind of got inspired?? 
> 
> It's ot12 yes ot12 (but in some chaps not bc including all 12 in one chap is just near impossible) 
> 
> Rated M bc their foul language and also, I think their users are obvious enough on who's who?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's 3 am and nobody really cares for what Chanyeol has to say. Jongdae and Kyungsoo especially.

  
**Realpcy:**  
Guys  
Did you hear???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
If this is another one of your lame jokes  
I'm kicking you off the group chat

  
**Realpcy:**  
Ok  
Rude  
But no  
It's not

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
So are you gonna tell us or not?  
I don't have the patience for you to constantly send ten different texts before getting to the damn point.

  
**Minsucc:**  
Tbh lol

  
**Realpcy:**  
WHAY THE FJCK  
I DIDNT ASK TO BE TAG TEAMED ASSHOLES

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol  
Anyways you were saying??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Now I don't even want to tell you anymore

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
And this is supposed to affect us how??

  
**Realpcy:**  
You are a real asshole  
I'd say big asshole  
But you know  
You're tiny

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Wait till I see you again wannabe tough guy.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMAO this is priceless

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
What the fjck it's like 3 am  
GO to bed all of tou

  
**Realpcy:**  
Jongdae!!!!  
Good you're up  
I know you'll be happy to hear what I have to share

  
**Oohsehun:**  
More like read** what you have to say  
Because you aren't saying anything  
You're typing  
And we're reading

  
_Realpcy has removed Oohsehun from the chat._

  
**Realpcy:**  
Great  
Now that that's settled  
JONGDAE GUESS WHAT

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
What

  
**Realpcy:**  
Show more enthusiasm :((((  
Why do you all feel the need to resent me

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Again  
It's 3 am. I'm too tired to CARE

  
_Realpcy has removed Jongdaeddy from the chat._

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Huh.  
So you're just gonna remove everyone from the chat that doesn't want to deal with YOUR bullshit for once?  
Nice one, Park.

  
_Realpcy has removed Kyungsoo from the chat._

  
**Realpcy:**  
Anyone else want to join them???

  
**Minsucc:**  
Well no one else is up  
And those that are are removed

  
**Realpcy:**  
Minseok  
I don't need you being a smart ass as well

  
**Minsucc:**  
Lol  
Dae just told me he's relieved you removed him  
Now he can sleep

  
_Realpcy has added Jongdaeddy to the chat._

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
DAMMIT MINSEOK  
I DIDNT WANT TO BE ADDED RN

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Or you can just easily remove yourself??

  
**Realpcy:**  
BAEKHYUN BABY  
HI

  
**Minsucc:**  
Aren't you two like besides each other...

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yeah  
So

  
**Minsucc:**  
Why would you text him hi when he's right there beside you

  
**Realpcy:**  
Baek tends to ignore me when he's on his phone :(

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Lol  
If I lived with Chanyeol I'd ignore him 247  
He's like a parasite

  
**Realpcy:**  
Nice try  
I'm not removing you from the chat  
And if you remove yourself, I'll just readd you

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Die

  
_Kingjongin has added Oohsehun to the chat_.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
THANK YOU JONGIN  
ILY

  
**Realpcy:**  
JONGIN WHAT THE FUCK  
WHY  
WHU  
WHYYY

  
**Kingjongin:**  
He wouldn't stop poking my side asking  
He woke me up so I had to shut him up one way or another

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Dude  
How did this chat not wake you up rn?  
I'm sure your phone is spammed with notifications

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You really think I'd be dumb enough to leave my phone on sound??  
I know how you all get after 12  
Especially this chat

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Do you want to be removed next?  
Chanyeol is acting sensitive and ugly

  
**Realpcy:**  
Are you asking to be removed again?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
No biggie  
I'll just get Jongin to add me again

  
**Realpcy:**  
Jongin I'll buy you KFC tomorrow if you don't

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I'll blow you Jongin

  
**Baekyawn:**  
It is way too late to be typing about oral sex

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Oh YOU'RE one to talk

  
**Realpcy:**  
WHAT THE FUFK  
YOU KNOW I CANT COMPETE WITH THAT SEHUN

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Lol sorry bro  
Looks like imma have to take Sehun's offer instead

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Perks of being boyfriends ;)))

  
**Realpcy:**  
Youre both gross  
I hate you

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Not as gross as you and Baek

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Shut up  
You have a hair-pulling kink

  
**Oohsehun:**  
And you have a kink of becoming submissive

  
**Realpcy:**  
He plays the role very well too  
If you must know

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Okay SERIOUSLY  
I'm going to remove myself and if any of you add me again I will end you

  
_Jongdaeddy has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You and Jongin have a daddy kink!!!  
Don't act like I didn't hear you screaming it just last week Sehun

  
**Oohsehun:**  
How the fuck

 

 **Baekyawn:**  
I slept over and you had forgotten you had COMPANY OVER  
I WAS SO??? 

  
**Realpcy:**  
And that's when I came to his rescue

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Wait when was this

  
**Realpcy:**  
Monday why

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Oh yeah  
That was one hell of a night

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Yeah  
It sure was a HELL night

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Oops haha

  
**Realpcy:**  
So,,,, anyways  
The whole reason I even started this chat..,,,  
GUYS did YOU HEAR???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Oh my God

  
_Oohsehun has removed Realpcy from the chat._


	2. II

**Baekyawn:**  
Oh Sehun

  
**Oohsehun:**  
????

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Do you care to explain why I found your boxers in my bedroom???  
DIRTY??

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Oh lol  
Me and Jongin kind of had sex on your bed

  
**Minsucc:**  
How do you KIND OF have sex with someone

  
**Realpcy:**  
WHAT THE FUCK???  
GROSS DUDE

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You'll be fine  
We used my boxers to clean up  
And I made Jongin use a condom so we were actually being very considerate  
Be grateful

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Grateful???  
BE GRATEFUL????  
YOU HAD SEX ON MY BED AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO BE GRATEFUL??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Can you please stop dismissing the fact that it's /my/ bed too??

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I'M SO UTTERLY DISGUSTED RN I CAN CARELESS WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY PARK

  
**Realpcy:**  
Don't get your fucking panties in a wad because your best friend thought it was a good idea to sleep on /OUR/ bed

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Correct me if I'm wrong but Jongin is your friend as well???  
Why don't you put him on a leash or something???

  
**Realpcy:**  
That's Sehun's job tf

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Excuse you  
The only person getting put on a leash is Sehun  
He gave me a strip tease that night and I just couldn't resist  
He started it

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Oh so now you're putting all the blame on me??  
You weren't saying that when I was riding your dick into next Sunday

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I DONT NEED TO KNOW WHAT FUCKUNG POISITIONS YOU DID ON!!! MY!! BED!!!

  
**Realpcy:**  
/OUR/ BED  
OUR!!!!!! BED  
O  
U  
R  
BED!!!!!

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Really?  
I'm trying to catch up on TWD and this is what I come across during commercial break?  
Oh Sehun and Kim Jongin, keep it in your fucking pants next time.

  
**Realpcy:**  
What's a TWD

  
_Kyungsoo has removed Realpcy from the chat._

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Oh thank goodness

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Quiet. It was either you or him.  
All four of you are giving me a damn headache.

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
I knew when Yeol made this group chat he should've never added Kyungsoo  
All he does is text to bitch about SOMETHING

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
At least I didn't sleep on my best friends bed.

  
_Oohsehun has removed Kyungsoo from the chat._

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Sehun how about you remove yourself  
I still can't believe you

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I don't know what the hell you guys are talking about  
But Chanyeol said if someone brings up a bed to correct you all and say it's his as well??

  
_Baekyawn has removed Jongdaeddy from the chat_.

  
**Minsucc:**  
It's not like Jongdae knew what you were talking about :(((  
Whyd you remove him :(

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Because I'm too pissed off  
Actually  
Someone tell Chanyeol since it's also /his/ bed, he can buy us a new mattress

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Cool  
So does that mean me and Sehun can take your old one?  
Our springs are kind of broken

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Like hell I'll give you my mattress  
I'm burning it  
But next time, my mattress won't be the only thing burning  
It'll be your ass tied to the damn thing

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Nobody cares about your bdsm kink  
We just want your bed  
That we!!!! slept on

  
**Baekyawn:**  
In that case, I'll tie you both to the bed and burn you alive  
That way you both die having the mattress you wanted :)

  
**Luhandjob:**  
LMAO  
It's so funny when Baekhyun threatens because he's so tiny it's unlikely

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol right

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WTF?  
You're connected to the chat?

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Yeah I've just been creeping

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Ughhhhhhhhhhh

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Well now I'm offended  
It's not like I've done anything wrong

  
**Oohsehun:**  
He just needs it up the ass  
I'm gonna add Chanyeol again

  
**Baekyawn:**  
DON'T  
If I have to read about my bed being his one more time I will just LOSE it

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Whyd I think of Eminem just now

  
_Oohsehun has added Realpcy to the chat._

_Baekyawn has removed Oohsehun from the chat._

_Kingjongin has added Oohsehun to the chat._

  
**Baekyawn:**  
GOD DAMMIT JONGIN ITS ALWAYS YOU

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Now you and Chanyeol can talk it out

  
**Minsucc:**  
Ugh, please don't  
We all know how that turns out

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I mean I rather them makeup than fight

  
**Junmoney:**  
Can I just say you guys are the reason my phone is always crashing.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Junmyeon!!!!!  
I need a favor

 

 **Junmoney:**  
No.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
You don't even know what I was gonna ask

  
**Junmoney:**  
You want money.  
Don't you?

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Um no????

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Just because his name scrambles out to money  
Doesn't mean he actually has money

  
**Junmoney:**  
Exactly, thank you!  
No, wait.  
HEY, THATS OFFENSIVE. I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN ALL ELEVEN OF YOU.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Unlikely  
I sell pot bro

  
**Junmoney:**  
So??

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I easily make six hundred a day selling  
Sometimes more  
Sometimes less

  
**Junmoney:**  
You do not make 4k a week.  
I smell bullshit.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Who said I sold everyday??  
Weed disappears quick man

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Yeah, especially when you're the one smoking it all

  
**Zhangyix:**  
But just last week you were asking for a shit ton of free pot??

  
**Realpcy:**  
I knew I smelled weed that day!!!  
Baekhyun you liar

  
**Baekyawn:**  
LISTEN  
I was stressed to the max  
And I was CURIOUS so I thought why not

  
**Oohsehun:**  
And the verdict is?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Eh don't understand the hype about it  
4/10

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Lol then you aren't smoking it right

  
**Baekyawn:**  
OK weed expert  
How am I supposed to smoke it??

  
**Realpcy:**  
You don't need to know because that was your first and last time smoking it

  
**Baekyawn:**  
????  
You aren't my father???

  
**Realpcy:**  
I don't remember you saying that that time you 'accidentally' called me daddy in bed

  
**Minsucc:**  
Okay really TMI  
Sehun, why did you add Chanyeol again

  
**Realpcy:**  
Because I'm the reason this group chat exists

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You're also the reason our friends remove you half the time

  
_Realpcy has removed Baekyawn from the chat._

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol oh shit  
Didn't think Chanyeol wouldve had the balls to do that

  
**Huzitao:**  
Tbh

  
**Realpcy:**  
OK where tf did you come from?  
I thought you had removed yourself

  
**Huzitao:**  
Nah just like Luhan I've been reading on the dl

  
**Minsucc:**  
Who else is apart of this group chat then???  
I'm curious now

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Well rn Jongdae and Kyungsoo are still removed

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
No one added them back in???  
Lol foul

  
**Realpcy:**  
Wait  
Is Yifan still added?  
He hasn't wrote yet

  
**Junmoney:**  
You know he barely even goes on chats.  
Adding him was pointless.

  
**Realpcy:**  
Getting intimate with him was pointless  
But you still slept with him though

  
_Junmoney has removed Realpcy from the chat._

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Lmaooo you know  
For being the creator of the chat  
He sure gets removed a lot

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3000 years later and the wound is still fresh for Junmyeon. #pray4junsheart
> 
> But btw thank you to everyone reading and leaving me kudos so far!!! Means a lot :)


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will I ever be able to write a convo between them that doesn't involve talking about sex or just anything sexual related? Probably not.

**Realpcy:**  
Alright I have something to say

  
**Oohsehun:**  
When don't you

  
**Realpcy:**  
.   
Anywho  
Whoever decides to remove me next will immediately be kicked off this chat for good

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Is that supposed to scare us or something??  
You do realize we can just never add you back after you've been removed, right?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Go ahead and try me

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Right.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
So wait  
If I remove you, I'm kicked off the group chat for good?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yep  
I'm tired of being kicked off when I'm the one who made yall

  
**Junmoney:**  
*coughs*  
Uh-ehm.

  
**Realpcy:**  
????

  
**Junmoney:**  
I made you all who you were today.  
When you all were broke high school and college students, I was there.

  
**Realpcy:**  
You're like two years older bye

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
But still more of a man than you'll ever be lol

  
**Realpcy:**  
Oh  
Did I also mention  
I'll kick off anyone insulting me

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Your dick is small

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
LMAOOOOO

  
**Realpcy:**  
Hmm

  
**Baekyawn:**  
And I don't get pleasured by it

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Please don't start  
You're just gonna get Chanyeol riled up

  
**Realpcy:**  
No its cool  
I'm fine  
Cause I have a sextape to prove just how small my dick is and how 'non-pleasuring' it is for him

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You have a fucking WHAT?!?

  
**Minsucc:**  
Omg  
Leak it

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Why the hell would you want to see Baek and Yeol having sex???

  
**Minsucc:**  
Who said it was for my own pleasure??  
Sell it to pornhub

  
**Baekyawn:**  
UM  
NO???  
TF??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Why  
Afraid everyone will see how much you luUuUUurveEeEeeeE my dick?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Istg Chanyeol

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I've read enough for today.  
I'm getting off my phone.   
Goodbye.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol  
Why is he always acting like a prude

  
**Huzitao:**  
Shut up Sehun  
You just lost your virginity like yesterday

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Sehun it's ok baby  
I know you didn't just lose it yesterday

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Well I mean duh  
You're the one having sex with him

  
**Wuyifan:**  
And you all wonder why I never type on this shit  
You all can never have a civil pg13 conversation, can you

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yifan!!!!  
Brroooo what's up

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
No  
We cannot

  
**Junmoney:**  
Why haven't you been answering my texts, you ass??

  
_Wuyifan has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Realpcy:**  
KFJQJFKSVKSJVJSJ

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMAAOODOSODOAOOO

  
**Baekyawn:**  
#junmoneyisover2017

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
This is so sc worthy

  
**Junmoney:**  
Fuck you all.  
I deserve better and you all know it.

  
_Junmoney has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Zhangyix:**  
You guys are so mean

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You're gonna bake him some of your weed brownies  
Aren't you

  
**Zhangyix:**  
It's the only thing that'll get him to cheer up

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yixing!!!!  
Does Junmyeon even know it has weed in them?

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Nah  
Lol

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Your lucky his job doesn't drug test him  
Or else he'll be fucked

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Unlikely  
His boss buys brownies from me as well

  
**Minsucc:**  
Seriously???

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Yeah  
Sometimes he orders two batches  
Man's a pothead

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Well  
Looks like you both got something in common

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Remember last time when you asked for some

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WILL YOU EVER LET THAT GO  
IT WAS ONE TIME AND THAT DOESNT MATTER

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I can gladly say I've never touched weed in my life

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Proud of you babe

  
**Oohsehun:**  
<33

  
**Realpcy:**  
You guys are so gross  
Go do that on your own spare time

  
**Oohsehun:**  
At least our relationship is healthy  
All you and Baek do is fight all day

  
**Baekyawn:**  
UM??? Excuse you  
We also have sex  
Don't disrespect

  
**Realpcy:**  
^

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Still ugly

  
_Baekyawn has removed Oohsehun from the chat._

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You know I can just add him back  
Right

  
**Realpcy:**  
Are you???

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Will I be removed as well once I do

  
**Realpcy:**  
There's a high possibility

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Nvm

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Lol I'm telling Sehun this  
He's gonna be so offended

  
**Baekyawn:**  
He called me ugly!!!  
I'M offended

  
**Realpcy:**  
He called our relationship ugly  
There's a difference

  
**Baekhyun:**  
Look  
UR ugly

 

 **Realpcy:**  
Ok

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Lol why are yall even dating

  
**Realpcy:**  
Because true love obviously 

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Sometimes I feel like your relationship only resolves around sex  
Do yall even like cuddle or say ily???

  
**Realpcy:**  
Duh what do you think 

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Doesn't seem like it

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Do you want proof or something

  
**Luhandjob:**  
How the hell are you gonna prove it to me

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Chanyeol ily  <333

  
**Chanyeol:**  
>:(

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Ugh what now

  
**Chanyeol:**  
Spell it out  
It's more romantic that way

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Omg  
I really hate you

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Jsjjfsjjhdj  
He spelt that one out without a problem

  
**Realpcy:**  
Shut up  
You and Minseok haven't even went to /second/ base yet never mind third

  
**Minsucc:**  
Says who

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
YA know  
Just because we don't gloat about our sex life doesn't mean we haven't had any

  
**Huzitao:**  
That's bc you have nothing to gloat about

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
OK and you're single

  
**Huzitao:**  
Still get more dick and pussy than you

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
And that's why you also have every disease known to mankind  
Surprised your dick hasn't shriveled up and fell off yet

  
**Baekyawn:**  
LMAOOO

  
**Huzitao:**  
Shut up Baekhyun  
You're literally dating a disease

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I HATECKDKVKXK

  
**Baekyawn:**  
:'( ok true

  
_Realpcy has removed Huzitao, Jongdaeddy and Baekyawn from the chat._

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Okay I'm back and I have a serious question.  
Does this mean they won't be added back on? Because I'm certainly not complaining.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably gonna keep saying this, sounding like a broken record player but seriously tysm for reading and leaving kudos guys!!!!
> 
> BTW updates are pretty much every two days


	4. IV

**Zhangyix:**  
Guys  
How do you know someone is a narc?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
What's a narc

  
**Minsucc:**  
narc  
närk  
nounNORTH AMERICANinformal  
a federal agent or police officer who enforces the laws regarding illicit sale or use of drugs and narcotics.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Did you really copy and paste the definition

  
**Minsucc:**  
Too lazy to type it all out

  
**Kingjongin:**  
....you could've just written undercover cop

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Let my bf do as he pleases 

  
**Zhangyix:**  
GUYS  
HELLO  
I COULD BE GOING TO JAIL

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Lol.  
Welcome to my daily life.

  
**Realpcy:**  
What happened??

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I may or may not have just sold pot to a cop???

  
**Junmoney:**  
YIXING WHAT THE FUCK?!

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I SAID MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE

  
**Huzitao:**  
Okay but how positive are you that he's a narc?

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Like  
95% sure

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Buddy  
You are so doomed

  
**Zhangyix:**  
:(  
I mean money isn't a problem to bail  
It's the time I'll be doing

  
**Junmoney:**  
If you can't do the time, don't do the crime!  
This is why where I work, everything is LEGAL.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Stfu  
Your boss literally buys pot from me

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Bro  
Isn't getting caught selling weed like five years in prison??

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Idk :(  
But I'm like panicking but also not panicking??

  
**Realpcy:**  
You're high  
Aren't you

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Mellowed out as fuck

  
**Realpcy:**  
Smh

  
**Huzitao:**  
What did he do that made him seem like a narc

  
**Zhangyix:**  
He came up to my car asking if I was selling  
I said who's asking  
He said him  
I said OK yeah I do  
And he bought some  
But then instead of driving off I think he was running my plates

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Wait  
It seems kind of off

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yeah  
If he was a narc he would've immediately arrested you

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Well good  
So I'm fine  
Everything's cool

  
**Baekyawn:**  
What are you doing now anyways

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I was kind of speeding on the highway to escape from him

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
While texting???  
You're asking to die.

  
**Realpcy:**  
Or asking to get pulled over by actual police  
Not only would you would've been charged with speeding but possession of illegal drug substance

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Okay Mr. Officer Park  
Anything else

  
**Realpcy:**  
LISTEN you asked

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Has he been watching cops again??

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Binge watching all night tbh

  
**Realpcy:**  
OK but were you or were you not watching it as well??

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Well considering we only have one TV in our room  
I didn't have much of a choice  
Did I

  
**Realpcy:**  
There's the living room for a reason

  
**Baekyawn:**  
That you can oh so kindly sleep in

  
**Realpcy:**  
I'm too tall for couches  
Short people like you were the reason couches were made as a sort of bed

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Can we not do this right now

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I have a drinking game to play

  
**Minsucc:**  
It's like ten am Dae

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
It's 5 o'clock somewhere :^)  
Anyways   
Every time Baek and Yeol argue, we take a shot

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Okay, are you trying to have us die from alcohol poisoning within ten minutes?  
Probably the most idiotic thing you've said yet.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Shut the HELL UP  
ITS YOU THAT DESERVES TO GO TO JAIL

  
**Realpcy:**  
I am highly offended???  
You won't get alcohol poisoning within 10 mins  
Maybe an hour tops  
But not 10 screw you Soo

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Do you want me to screenshot all the past fights you've had since this damn chat happened?

  
**Huzitao:**  
Your phone will run out of storage if you do

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You too Zitao?!?!  >:(

  
**Huzitao:**  
Hey you're the two brats that can't get your relationship in order

  
**Realpcy:**  
BRATS!?!!?  
BRATS?!!?  
WE'RE OLDER THAN YOU PUNK

  
**Huzitao:**  
Yeah? And I know wushu

  
**Realpcy:**  
THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING

  
**Baekyawn:**  
And I know hapkido  
Fight me Tao

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Judging from your one day experience of hapkido  
I suggest you DON'T fight Zitao

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Fuck you  
I'll have you know my class was two months long  
And I attended every class

  
**Realpcy:**  
Until you stupidly gave up

  
**Baekyawn:**  
LISTEN YOU FUCKING COCK SUCKING CUNT

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
*screenshots* Evidence #24568.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I love you, Park Chanyeol to the moon and back  <3 :)

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You're not fooling anybody Baek

 

 **Baekyawn:**  
STFU  
Why can't yall take me serious whenever I say I love chanyeol

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Maybe it's because you never say it  
And when you do, it's sarcastic  
Like now

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Shut up  
I hope you do sell weed to a narc next time

  
**Zhangyix:**  
That didn't stop you from asking me for weed!!!

  
**Baekyawn:**  
That literally has nothing TO DO WITH NOW  
AND CAN YOU STOP BRINGING THAT UP IT WAS ONE FUCKUNG TIME

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Nope  
Gonna keep saying it until the day I die

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I hope your brain cells rot from weed

  
**Realpcy:**  
Sorry was taking a piss what happened

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Baekhyun said he loved you and we called him out on his bullshit

  
**Realpcy:**  
Ahh  
Okay thanks

  
**Baekyawn:**  
CHANYEOL?!?!??  
QHAT RHE FUCK TOURE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE ME

  
**Realpcy:**  
You never say you love me unless there's SOME motive behind it

  
**Baekyawn:**  
?!?!?!!?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Damn he straight out called you out  
LMAOAJFJD

  
**Baekyawn:**  
CHANYEOL  
EXPLAIN RIGHT FUCKIJG NOW

  
**Realpcy:**  
Well if you want to know so badly

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Wait is this going to be r rated bc I'll remove myself

  
**Minsucc:**  
Or we can use it as leverage against Baekhyun

  
**Baekyawn:**  
NEVER MIND YEOL  
DONT SAY ANYTHING

  
**Realpcy:**  
But I want to prove to you and everybody you only say ily when you want something

  
**Baekyawn:**  
And you only COMPLIMENT ME AND ENGULF ME WITH AFFECTION WHENEVER YOU WANT ME TO SUCK YOUR DICK?!?!

  
**Minsucc:**  
Wow actual relationship goals

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Gross don't say that word again  
It's so 2015

  
**Minsucc:**  
I was being sarcastic you ass hat

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Hey don't call my bf a ass hat you ass hat

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
An* ass hat.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I will remove you  
And I will make sure nobody adds you back

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Wow, Christmas came early this year.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
>.<!!!!!!

  
**Wuyifan:**  
I have a deal  
I will come on this chat if Baek and Yeol stop arguing

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Krissss my man

  
**Junmoney:**  
His real name is Yifan.  
Can we not.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Kris is his street name  
You're mad because you don't have enough street cred

  
**Junmoney:**  
Because I am too prestigious to have that.  
Thank you very much.

  
**Minsucc:**  
Lol ok right

  
**Realpcy:**  
It's a deal!!!  
I missed you Yifan  
We gotta ball out again sometime

  
**Wuyifan:**  
You got it

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol so weird with Yifan actually active in the chat

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
And so weird to have Chanyeol write a sentence that's not sarcastic or insulting anyone

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Lol goes to show how far he's up Yifan's ass

  
**Realpcy:**  
I don't see you complaining when I'm all up in your ass though???

  
_Wuyifan has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Lol  
How long was that?

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Twenty five seconds.  
Screenshots prove everything.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
FOR SUCKS SAKE CHANYEOL AND BAEKHYUN


	5. V

**Wuyifan:**  
I got something to say

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I've got**

  
**Junmoney:**  
You also have a lot of apologies to make.  
But I don't see that happening anytime soon.

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Can we not do this right now  
I have something important to talk about

  
**Junmoney:**  
Oh??  
So what we had isn't important enough to talk about???

  
**Wuyifan:**  
It was three years ago jun

  
_Junmoney has removed Wuyifan from the chat._

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
What happened to not feeling bitter over the break up?

  
**Junmoney:**  
I'm not. :)

  
**Minsucc:**  
But you just removed him...  
He was gonna tell us something

  
**Junmoney:**  
Probably something insignificant.  
No biggie. :)

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Uh   
Should we be worried

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I will remove you, Junmyeon, if you add another smiley after your texts.

  
**Junmoney:**  
:(

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Yo  
This is Yifan

  
**Realpcy:**  
How the hell did you get Yixing's phone

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I zapped it in my hands and it magically appeared  
We're obviously hanging out fucktard

  
**Realpcy:**  
Woah  
What crawled up your ass and died

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Doesn't matter  
Is everyone online

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Just write it out and they'll read it eventually

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Fine  
I have a few confessions to make

  
**Realpcy:**  
?????

  
**Zhangyix:**  
You all have to promise you won't get mad

  
**Baekyawn:**  
We promise!

  
**Zhangyix:**  
...............  
Okay everyone promise you won't get mad

  
**Baekyawn:**  
??

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Well????  
You're gonna get on with it or

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Don't act dominant towards me  
I used to be in charge of you

  
**Junmoney:**  
And then you left.  
So whose fault is that?

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Jesus Christ  
He's still here?

  
**Junmoney:**  
So now I'm only referred to as 'he'?  
Wow.

  
**Realpcy:**  
Can we just please hear the confessions

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Okay there's kind of a few  
Chanyeol remember that one time when your jersey from high school was torn up?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yes...?

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I got mad you made the team before me so I made my dog tear it up purposely when you left it over my house

  
**Realpcy:**  
YOU ASSHOLE  
WTF THAT JERSEY COST......MY PARENTS SO MUCH MONEY

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I'll pay them back  
Now Zitao your turn

  
**Huzitao:**  
Is it bad I'm nervous???

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Since I was born and raised in the US, you were obviously better at Chinese than me  
So when we had that test in language class, I stood after to sneakily change all your answers

  
**Huzitao:**  
YOU FUCK HEAD  
MY GRADE DROPPED SO LOW

  
**Zhangyix:**  
You still graduated so all is well  
Yixing when you get your phone back and read this  
I was the reason your weed was all gone last month. half was smoked and half was sold

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Oh god  
Is there anymore confessions?  
Specifically one that involves me

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Nah  
I never had a problem with you because I only knew you as Yeols bf at first

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I'd be offended but you didn't do any harm to me so  
Yay

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Anymore people?

  
**Zhangyix:**  
One more

  
**Kingjongin:**  
WHO

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Jun

  
**Junmoney:**  
Me?  
Actually ME????

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Yes you

  
**Luhandjob:**  
*grabs popcorn*

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
*gets 3d glasses*

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WTF?? ^

  
**Junmoney:**  
What is it, Yifan?

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Are you sure you're ready

  
**Junmoney:**  
Uh, should I not be?

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Just get on with it already

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
TBH

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I....um

  
**Junmoney:**  
You...?

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I love you...  
I still do

  
**Minsucc:**  
LMAO dude are you high rn

  
**Junmoney:**  
.....Really???

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Yes  
The only reason I'm so resentful towards you is because I can't live with myself  
I miss you

  
**Junmoney:**  
Yifan. I don't know what to say? I feel like you're joking..

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
UM.  
Should we remove ourselves.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Just don't say anything

  
**Junmoney:**  
Why?

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I...  
Jun I..

  
**Junmoney:**  
Yes??

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I'm...  
I'm not really Kris lol  
I got angry and kicked him out of my house once I looked over his shoulder and read his confession to me

  
**Junmoney:**  
YIXING?!?!  
AND FOR FUCKS SAKE, IT'S YIFAN, NOT KRIS.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
The one and only :)

  
**Junmoney:**  
OH MY GOD.  
I HATE YOU. I ACTUALLY HATE YOU.  
YOU'RE THE REASON I'M GONNA END UP WITH NO HAIR.

  
**Realpcy:**  
More like Zitao is the reason

  
**Huzitao:**  
Now tell me  
Have I hurt YOU in some way??

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
You gotta admit  
It was pretty funny

  
**Junmoney:**  
Funny?!?!  
I mean, I knew something was COMPLETELY OFF BUT MY HEART WAS RACING AND JUST FUCK YOU.

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Still not bitter over the so-called breakup?

  
_Junmoney has removed Kyungsoo from the chat._

  
**Realpcy:**  
Lol screenshot!

  
**Junmoney:**  
I hope you all die a slow painful death.  
Especially you, Yixing.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
At least I won't die lonely and miserable!

  
_Junmoney has removed Zhangyix from the chat._

  
**Oohsehun:**  
SIRJSJFISICJJ FUCKING GONE

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Not only did he just play you  
He slaughtered your ass omg

  
**Huzitao:**  
#yixing4president

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Yes I second this!!

  
**Junmoney:**  
I just got played with and you all want to make that asshole President?!

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Its not like its legitimate relax lol

  
**Oohsehun:**  
So you're saying Yix doesn't have what it takes to be president?

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Im saying its unlikely

  
**Junmoney:**  
Luhan, have I ever told you how much I cherish you?

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Um no  
And please keep it that way  
It's just awkward

  
**Junmoney:**  
Why is everyone attacking me. Is this how Chanyeol feels when he's on this chat?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Pretty much  
But you get used to being roasted and just insult back

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Difference is your insults suck and you don't roast anybody

  
**Realpcy:**  
Who even asked you to comment

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I don't need to be asked  
I do as I please

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Do you see what you started Jun???

  
**Junmoney:**  
IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME A FEW SECONDS AGO. IT'S NOT MY FAULT THOSE BRATS ARE ARGUING.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You triggered them

  
**Huzitao:**  
Not as triggered as Junmyeon was when he found out Yixing pretended to be Yifan

  
_Junmoney has removed Huzitao from the chat._

  
**Realpcy:**  
See I was stating facts  
Zitao is the reason you're going bald Jun

 


	6. VI

**Kyungsoo:**  
I made three observations from the chat yesterday.

  
**Realpcy:**  
Besides Junmyeon getting played?

  
**Junmoney:**  
Chanyeol, I swear to God.

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Yes, besides that.

  
**Junmoney:**  
:(

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Well??

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
1\. Yifan actually started the chat yesterday for the first time ever.

  
**Huzitao:**  
:o!!!!  
That's right

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
2\. Yixing managed to get himself REMOVED from the chat.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Lol I'm disappointed  
I can't believe I held the title of not getting removed yet

  
**Minsucc:**  
UM??  
Hello?  
I've never gotten removed.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Neither did I?

  
**Huzitao:**  
Okay me either?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Same

  
**Junmoney:**  
Me either!  
/I/ only removed myself so that doesn't count.

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Okay. Didn't ask for ALL of that.  
3\. Baekhyun and Chanyeol didn't argue once.

  
**Realpcy:**  
YAY!!! Do you hear that Baek

  
**Baekyawn:**  
About time  
Team Baekhyun and Chanyeol

  
**Realpcy:**  
Hey  
Why does your name go before mines

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Mine*.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
BC it sounds better

  
**Realpcy:**  
No it doesn't??

  
**Oohsehun:**  
It kind of does

  
**Realpcy:**  
You're irrelevant  
Nobody asked you

  
**Minsucc:**  
Tbh it kind of sounds better either way

  
**Realpcy:**  
Thank you!!!  
I always knew I liked you the most Minseok

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Back the fuck off buddy

  
**Realpcy:**  
Ok relax

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
:^)

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Wow  
So just because my names first you think that gives you the right to cheat on me

  
**Realpcy:**  
Cheat??  
What the hell

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You just admitted you liked Minseok ''''the most''''  
You never said that to anybody else in the chat before  
So  
When did this happen, huh

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Can't tell if Baekhyun is being sarcastic  
Or he actually...  
Dare I say it....  
CARES?

  
**Realpcy:**  
He's being dramatic  
I've never cheated on you with Minseok, Baek

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I can't trust you anymore  
I need some time alone

  
_Baekyawn has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Realpcy:**  
Oh God  
This is his way of wanting all my attention  
He swears he's slick

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Bet you're still gonna give him that attention though

  
**Realpcy:**  
Again  
You're irrelevant and nobody asked you

  
_Realpcy has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Well.  
As much as I'd hate to admit it, it's weird without having at least one of them apart of the chat.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Haha tbh

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I'd rather Baekhyun  
I don't want SNAKES apart of this group chat

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Do you honestly think Chanyeol likes Minseok

 

 **Jongdaeddy:**  
Maybe  
Who knows what that snake likes  
Tall people are dangerous

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol that's what jealous short people say

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Shut up  
At least I'm not the shortest in this group chat

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
What are you trying to say?!?!?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
;)

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
May be the smallest but I can fucking crush you, Kim Jongdae. Watch yourself.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Oooh I'm trembling

  
**Minsucc:**  
Dae  
Remember what happened last time

  
**Kingjongin:**  
What happened last time  
Tell us

  
**Minsucc:**  
Kyungsoo nearly ripped Dads socket out  
Dae**** omg

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Nobody needs to know about your daddy kink

  
**Minsucc:**  
NO I SWEAR  
I WENT TK SAY DAES AMD IT AUTUCORREFTS TO DADS

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Hahahaha SURE 

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Mad because you have no excitement going on in your bedroom

  
**Oohsehun:**  
We have bdsm

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I FUCKING KNEW JONGIN WAS ASKING FOR HANDCUFFS FOR R RATED SHIT.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Lmao what did he say it was for?

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
He was playing 'cops and robbers with Sehun.'

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Hey  
We actually did play that at least once with those cuffs

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
And you can keep them.  
I don't want them back.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Good  
Wasn't like we were planning on giving them back

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Wait  
WAIT A SEC

  
**Luhandjob:**  
????

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Why did Kyungsoo even HAVE handcuffs???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Oh how the tables have turned

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You all tried and thought.  
I have them because my father is a retired officer.  
He's also given me his gun.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Don't you need a license to own a gun?

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Not if anyone knows.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I'll tell the cops rn

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
And I'll shoot your ass. Try me.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Hahaha please  
I bet it isn't even loaded

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Then how about you come over and we can play a fun game of Russian roulette so you can see for yourself.  
Except, I'm not playing and you're playing by yourself. :)

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Then it's not Russian roulette

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I mean you can go ahead and join him if you want for all I care.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Fiesty  
Why

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Because you're all frustrating.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Or he just needs some good dicking

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Zitao how about you join in on the game of Russian roulette. :)

  
**Huzitao:**  
Hmm as EXCITING as that offer sounds, no thanks :) 

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Your loss. :)

  
**Kingjongin** :  
Can I just point out it's so dead without Yeol and Baek arguing

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Baek and Yeol*

  
**Minsucc:**  
You're so lucky Chanyeol's not on rn

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Oh please  
Chanyeol can honestly suck it

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Careful Jongin  
Chanyeol might fuck around and fall for Sehun as well

  
**Luhandjob:**  
JONGDAE ENOUGH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I don't know if Kyungsoo is still the shortest out of all but he's like really fucking short so shhh ((lets just pretend he is even if he isn't))) lmao


	7. VII

**Realpcy:**  
I wanna spread some positivity today  
After Jongdae had assumed I loved Minseok  
Some shit went down

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Like??

  
**Realpcy:**  
He came over to my house with a butter knife

  
**Oohsehun:**  
To make you a sandwich....?  
Idgi

  
**Realpcy:**  
Wtf  
If someone came over to your house with a knife what do you think they'll do

  
**Oohsehun:**  
That's the thing  
Idk because wtf????  
A butter knife??? What kind of soft damage??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Wtevr  
The point is we need to spread positivity for once

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I can do that

  
**Realpcy:**  
Great!  
Let's all name one thing we like about Jongin

  
**Oohsehun:**  
His dick

  
**Realpcy:**  
SEHUN

  
**Kingjongin:**  
AW babe  
And my dick loves your ass  
And mouth, whichever

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
If this is how the positivity game is going to go  
Sign me the fuck OUT

  
**Realpcy:**  
Can yall not bring up body parts for like  
ONCE????

  
**Oohsehun:**  
FINE  
I like his smile  
There. Happy

  
**Realpcy:**  
There we go  
Anybody else?

  
**Minsucc:**  
He's very considerate

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I love that one time he dyed his hair white  
Lmaooooo lookin like a Korean Albert Einstein

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
LAKOOOO THOSE FEW MONTHS WEERE SO ICONIC

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Fuck you all  
That hair looked so good on me??

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I second that!!!

  
**Realpcy:**  
I like Jongin's skin color

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Fuck you

  
**Realpcy:**  
?????

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You're always the first one to make fun of it  
You headass

  
**Realpcy:**  
Maybe it's because I'm JEALOUS???   
You'll never know

  
**Huzitao:**  
I like how he's shorter than me

  
**Kingjongin:**  
NO NO  
FUCK YOU ALL  
I DONT CARE WHAT YALL '''LIKE''' ANOUT ME ANYMORE  
LETS DO CHANYEOL NOW

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
HOOO BOY  
There's a long list

  
**Realpcy:**  
If I was right in front of you rn  
I'd be glaring

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Then it's a good thing you're not :)  
I love how Chanyeol is the most idiotic one out of all of us

  
**Realpcy:**  
TF YOU MEAN MOST IDIOTIC ONE  
I'M SMARTER THAN YOU

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Lies

  
**Realpcy:**  
UM???  
ELABORATE PLEASE???

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Well you failed English twice  
And you made three projects out of five explode in science during our high school days

  
**Realpcy:**  
1\. I didn't care for English  
2\. I didn't care for science  
And 3. WE WERENT EVEN IN THE SAME SCHOOL

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Okay so maybe I heard it from a friend of a friend

  
**Realpcy:**  
Baekhyun and Sehun, you're dead to me

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Aw :(  
You didn't even let me say what I love about you!!!!

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You'll probably just say his dick

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I'll have you know there's more to Yeol than his dick ok

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Like his huge ass ears

  
**Minsucc:**  
OMG yes!!!  
I love his ears lmao

  
**Huzitao:**  
He can be star wars next Yoda

  
**Oohsehun:**  
OMG!!! He should so audition

  
**Luhandjob:**  
But his height will affect it  
Yodas like 3 ft

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
It's okay.  
They'll probably just make him get on his knees.

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yall are real dicks you know that right  
I'm TRYNA MAKE OUR GC POSITIVE FOR ONCE AND YALL JUST GONNA BACKFIRE IT ALL ON MY ASS  
DIE

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Do you want me to tell you the things I like about you or not

  
**Realpcy:**  
I guess

  
**Baekyawn:**  
BITCH  
I WON'T SAY SHIT

  
**Realpcy:**  
How do I know you're not tryna trick me???

  
**Baekyawn:**  
BC I'm your bf duh

  
**Realpcy:**  
......and???

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Ugh forget it  
I hate your tall lanky ass  
I hate your creepy smile  
I hate your loud ass laugh  
I hate that you're such a light sleeper cause you can never JUST STAY IN BED AND CUDDLE WITH ME IN THE MORNINGS  
I hate your big wide eyes, always looking like you're shocked 247  
I hate your deep voice and I hate how it sounds 10 times deeper after sleep  
I hate that my height is the perfect size for you to rest your chin on top of my head

  
**Minsucc:**  
Omg

  
**Jongdaeddy** :  
Am I the only one that thinks that list is all the things Baekhyun actually loves about him

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
No shit, you dipshit.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Chanyeol???

  
**Huzitao:**  
Where tf did he go

  
**Oohsehun:**  
He's probably bawling his eyes out  
I mean it's practically the first time Baekhyun confessed the things he loves about him

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Didn't he confess when he asked Chanyeol out like four years ago?

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
No lol  
Where tf were you

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
UM?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Baekhyun practically had a fwb relationship with Chanyeol until Chanyeol's balls finally dropped and HE had asked Baek out

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
This whole time I thought Baekhyun asked Chanyeol out?? Wow.  
Goes to show how invested I am in your love lives.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Ok  
But seriously  
Where is Chanyeol

  
**Huzitao:**  
This is why affection isn't allowed in your relationship baek  
Now you scared Chanyeol away

  
**Baekyawn:**  
:(  
HEY I WAS TRYNA BE NICE FOR ONCE  
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You're never nice in general

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Stfu you get no say in this  
Wait  
Someone's knocking on the bedroom door

  
**Minsucc:**  
So answer it even tho it's obviously Chanyeol???

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Why would he answer it?  
What if it was a killer?  
You're supposed ask who

  
**Minsucc:**  
Literally why are you apart of the gc sometimes

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Why is Dae apart of it

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
??? Wtf did I do??

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Omg it WAS  Chanyeol  
He's here rn in our room   
That's why he hasn't wrote back

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
So what's happening now?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
He's ksiing me sillly  
Im tyoinf rhis as he's atyackimg my moith

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Then why are you still on the gc if your bf is there

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Obhhhh hws kissimg me hard  
I'm tellinf tou cayse imma gwt that gold dick TONOGHT

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Someone remove him before he tells us everything Chanyeol is doing to him. see what you caused Kyungsoo 

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I'll twll you wahts being remkved  
MT CLOTHES  
My hanfds are trmebmimg witb anticpatopn

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Okay, nice chatting with you Baekhyun.  
Goodbye.

  
_Kyungsoo has removed Baekyawn from the chat._

  
**Junmoney:**  
I'm a little bit jealous.

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Um, why the fuck would you be jealous of Baekhyun and Chanyeol. 

  
**Junmoney:**  
Because they have the most stable, unstable relationship known to mankind.  
Someone get me a man like Chanyeol.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Gross  
Why would you want a man like Yeol  
Get you a JONGDAEDDY

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I FUCKING KNEW YOU WERE GONNA USE YOUR USERNAME INTO THIS GC AT ONE POINT

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
:^)  
Stay mad with your basic ass user

  
**Oohsehun:**  
At least mine is my full name  
Your user is false facts  
You don't even dominate in the bedroom

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Okay but says who

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I don't need to be told to know you are submissive

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
*inserts wrong buzzer sound*

  
**Oohsehun:**  
..................

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Remain unresponsive :^)

  
**Huzitao:**  
Junmyeon  
You could've had a man like Chanyeol with the tallness, deep voice and rudeness  
His name is Yifan  
But  
Oh wait

  
_Junmoney has removed Huzitao from the chat._

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I should start a drinking game called every time Zitao brings up Yifan and Junmyeon, take a shot.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
WTF why are you suicidal???

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I'm not?

  
**Minsucc:**  
You'll probs get alcohol poisoning and die  
You are trying to invent a game called death

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Being in this gc and being friends with all of you is making me suicidal.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
OK RUDE???

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Tea

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Shut up, Jongdae.  
You're the worst of them all.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
OKAY LITERALLY WTF DID I EVEN DO TO YALL

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg this story (or chat) has reached 1k hits and nearly 100 kudos?! Also all the sweet comments, thank you so much!!! I'm so happy to know you're all enjoying this as much as I enjoy writing it lmaooo


	8. VIII

**Realpcy:**  
Hey yall  
I have this pic of Baek destroyed after some good dicking and I really wanna show yall just how good I am

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Wtf  
Why are you even telling them that

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I think the question is when don't you both share your sex life with us?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Someone sounds bitter  
When's the last time you even had sex Soo

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
It's literally none of your business???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol so none

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I said NONE of your business.  
I wasn't answering your stupid question.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
You know I could hook you up  
I know a few guys  
Or ladies  
Whichever you prefer

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Kyungsoo is gay bro

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Ya  
That's why I said guys

  
**Kingjongin:**  
If a guy is gay  
He only likes guys  
So why would you say ladies

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Maybe because I was being considerate???  
I don't see you helping???

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Or maybe I don't need the help?  
I don't want to hook up with your bum ass friends, Jongdae. But thanks, or whatever.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMAOOO

  
**Jongdae:**  
You do realize yall are my friends too  
So I guess that makes you all bums as well

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Wait. Wtf. You were tryna hook me up with one of THEM???

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Hey!  
I'm a nice hookup

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Firstly, ew no.  
And secondly, you're not single so shut up.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Okay but JUST SAYING  
If I was  
I'm still a good lay

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I guess only Chanyeol can vouch for that one

  
**Baekyawn:**  
UM  
I'll have you know Chanyeol isn't my only  
And isn't my first

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
We're aware hoe ass

  
**Minsucc:**  
Slut shaming is not allowed in the gc babe!!!

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Chanyeol probably won't be your last either

  
**Realpcy:**  
:(

  
**Oohsehun:**  
What  
Did you expect him to like marry you and yall live happily ever after  
Baekhyun can never settle down

  
**Baekyawn:**  
REACHING  
I'VE SETTLED DOWN FOR FOUR YEARS TF

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Surprisingly

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Shut up cause you were once a hoe as well

  
**Oohsehun:**  
No?? I wasn't??  
I was the most introvert person on the planet  
How could I possibly have sex 247 when I was by myself 247

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Until I broke you out of your shell  
How romantic  <3

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Or how cliché.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Anticlimactic*

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WAIT IT WAS YOU  
YOU WERE THE HOE

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Try again. I was too involved with Min

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Wtf???  
This gc has eleven other people  
I know I'm not the only hoe out of twelve

  
**Huzitao:**  
Face the facts Byun

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Junmyeon!!!!  
He has like loads of cash  
He probably paid people to fuck him  
Consensual of course

  
**Huzitao:**  
LMAO no  
He was too up Yifan's ass  
Or stuck on his dick whichever

  
**Junmoney:**  
Literally you are the reason I hate being apart of this gc.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Payback bitch

  
**Junmoney:**  
For what exactly?

  
**Huzitao:**  
Wouldn't you like to know

  
**Junmoney:**  
Well duh?????

  
**Baekyawn:**  
YIXING!!!!  
HES THE HOE AS WELL

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Bye  
The only relationship I'm ever in involves weed  
And money

  
**Realpcy:**  
Baek just drop it

  
**Baekyawn:**  
NO  
I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY HOE IN THIS GROUP  
YIFAN IS ONE

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You do realize he's not gonna respond, right?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
BECAUSE HES A HOE AND HE DOESNT WANT TO ADMIT IT

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Or maybe I have better things to do with my life

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I don't see you DENYING ANYTHING

  
**Wuyifan:**  
I'm balls deep in my textbooks and basketball practice  
I don't have time to be a hoe  
GO ask someone else you annoying headass motherfuck

  
_Wuyifan has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Great  
Yifan actually communicates just to remove himself nice Goin Baekhyun

  
**Baekyawn:**  
STFU  
I'm close to it  
I can feel it  
Kyungsoo. You're the hoe

  
**Sehun:**  
Impossible  
Soo is still a virgin

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
No I'm not, Sehun.  
And Baekhyun, no. Can you drop it and shut up? It was better yesterday when you were getting your brains fucked out.

  
**Realpcy:**  
I second that :)

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Ughhhhhhhhhhh who else is left??  
Luhan!!!!  
Your user doesn't have hand job in it for nothing!!!

  
**Luhandjob:**  
You do realize I didn't make up this user right

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Then who tf did???

  
**Minsucc:**  
LMAOO I did  
He thought it was clever to come up with Minsucc

 

 **Luhandjob:**  
It is clever you ass wipe

  
**Minsucc:**  
And so is hand job. Your name practically spells it out

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Choke

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Omgggg I'm so frustrated

  
**Realpcy:**  
I'm a little bit offended you didn't say my name yet

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Please  
You were so Baekhyun whipped, it would've been a miracle if you actually had sex with someone else

  
**Realpcy:**  
Fuck you you introvert

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Was that supposed to be an insult. I mean

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Zitao!!!!  
No wait you scare everyone away  
You couldn't possible be a hoe

  
**Huzitao:**  
I'll break your neck the next time I see you

  
**Baekyawn:**  
See?  
Way too scary and violent  
Unless your partners were into that real severe kinky shit  
Anyways who's left?  
MINSEOK!!!

  
**Minsucc:**  
It COULD'VE been possible  
But I was too busy tryna win Jongdae over so

  
**Baekhyun:**  
So then that leaves it to...  
Jongin??  
JONGIN ARE YOU A HOE??

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Well was but ya

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WHAY THE FUCK???  
I WAS ASSUMING LIKE DAE AND MINSEOK AND SHIT BUT YOU???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Are you really that shocked  
Come on look at him  
It'd be a miracle if someone didnt see him as sex on legs

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Lol right  
Jongin made girls cream their pants just from walking by in high school

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Ok and I was literally asking for yall to help me with finding out who was the other hoe??  
But yall stood mute????

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
It's funny watching you stress.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Almost as funny as you getting no dick

  
_Kyungsoo has removed Baekyawn from the chat._

  
**Oohsehun:**  
So you DON'T get none

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Sehun, seriously??

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
The offer for my friends numbers still stands

  
_Kyungsoo has removed Jongdaeddy from the chat._


	9. IX

**Kingjongin:**  
I'm stressing

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Can't get the choreography right?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Who's even talking about dancing

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Isn't your life like revolved around dancing

  
**Zhangyix** :  
That's me actually

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Yours revolves around drugs

  
**Kingjongin:**  
My life revolves around dancing as well  
But I'm stressing for an entirely different reason

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Sehun gave you no ass yesterday?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
No?  
You all suck at not knowing why I'm so upset

  
**Realpcy:**  
I know

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Ofc you do  
You're here with me rn idiot

  
**Realpcy:**  
Rude and that's why you're stressing

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Where the hell are you guys??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Bet you would like to know

  
**Baekyawn:**  
See if I let you back in the house

  
**Realpcy:**  
....I have the keys?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I'll barricade the door

  
**Realpcy:**  
I'll crash at Jongin's

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Um  
Says who. It's my house as well 

  
**Realpcy:**  
Then tell your best friend to stop playing around

  
**Oohsehun:**  
He's your boyfriend

  
**Realpcy:**  
I dunno a Baekhyun

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You're officially being locked out

  
**Realpcy:**  
Bet you still want to know where we're at

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Can we please focus on the topic at hat  
I'm stressing and none of you care

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Maybe because you aren't telling anyone anything.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Because you're supposed to GUESS  
BE A GOOD FRIEND AND HELP ME OUT

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Can't. I'm too busy doing something else to sit here and figure out why you're having mood swings.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Its not even mood swings???  
Boys can't even have that  
Or can they

  
**Minsucc:**  
What are you busy doing Soo

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Dying.

  
**Minsucc:**  
Should we be concerned

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
No.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
???!!?!?  
OKAY and now what about me

  
**Realpcy:**  
Jongin's throwing a tantrum in public rn  
Yall should see this

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I would if you told me the location

  
**Realpcy:**  
Ha

  
**Huzitao:**  
Where the fuck could you possibly be and stressing??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Think long and hard

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You're both at a dildo shop

  
**Realpcy:**  
No wtf??

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You said long and hard  
SO I THOUGHT IT WAS A HINT

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I already said my guess  
I give up

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Same

  
**Realpcy:**  
Then do yall want a hint

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Don't give them any

  
**Minsucc:**  
Yes

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Sure

  
**Realpcy:**  
It involves food

  
**Junmoney:**  
Oh, I know.  
They're out of friend chicken.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Friend

  
**Huzitao:**  
Fried* chicken

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMAO WTF  
YOU DIDNT EVEN CORRECT YOURSELF JUN

  
**Junmoney:**  
Why would I have when I already knew one of you buffoons would do it for me.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Keep shading me  
See where that gets you

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Lmao you're both mad

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Okay seriously  
No it has nothing to with fried chicken  
Nor does it have to do with food

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Okay well I give up as well  
Because you're not explaining shit  
And I'm getting frustrated  
And Chanyeol is possibly still coming over

  
**Realpcy:**  
Stop acting like my presence is a disease

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You are a walking disease

  
**Realpcy:**  
Don't forget I'm seeing you in the next half hour  
You're gonna wish you never said that

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Shut up you're not even scary

  
**Realpcy:**  
And you're like literally 12

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Just because I'm the youngest doesn't automatically mean I'm 12  
Your insults are dry

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Just know that I hate you all  
I'm not stressing anymore but I'm upset because none of YOU, ELEVEN PEOPLE, DIDNT EVEN CARE ENOUGH

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Maybe because you WEREN'T GIVING US ENOUGH INFO TO WORK WITH.  
DON'T GET MAD AT US BECAUSE YOU CRAVE SYMPATHY.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You're supposed to be my bffl  
I'm offended  
I hope you are dying like you had stated earlier

  
**Junmoney:**  
Is this what the group chat has come to?  
Us wishing death upon each other?

  
**Huzitao:**  
You're really shocked

  
**Junmoney:**  
No.  
Just saying.  
It's a bit sad.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Is it sadder than your break up with Yifan

  
**Junmoney:**  
You know what.  
I'm not even gonna remove you for that one.

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Lol that's a first  
The world must be ending

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Hey Soo remember that Zitao Yifan Junmyeon drinking game you brought up

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Yep, why.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Take a shot

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Who says I haven't already.

 

 **Junmoney:**  
You're supposedly dying but you're still drinking?

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Don't worry about what I do in my free time.

  
**Junmoney:**  
I'm just concerned about your wellbeing.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
But you weren't CONCERNED ABOUT MINE???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Jongin ily  
But drop it

  
**Kingjongin:**  
:(  
I feel like Chanyeol the first day he created this chat  
You all hate me

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Hate is such a strong word  
We just strongly dislike you rn

  
**Kingjongin:**  
How is this supposed to make me feel better

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
No. We do hate you.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Why did Chanyeol even add you to this gc  
Youre so negative

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You knew this when you chose to be friends with me.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Okay  
Well  
Where's the receipt bc I want a refund on this so called FRIENDSHIP. AND THAT GOES FOR ALL OF YOU

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Jongin, his feelings just got dismissed
> 
>  
> 
> Edit: should've added it in the chat (but I erased it bc I felt like it was too long) but the reason Jongin was stressed was bc he was going to get his niece the barbie doll she wanted but they were all sold out and he felt bad for his niece bc he promised her!!!


	10. X

**Kyungsoo:**  
Hey Dae, are you hungry?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Yusssss  
I haven't ate all day

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Are you cooking or something

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
No.  
Just asking so I can tell him to eat before I pick him up.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
????  
So youre not cooking me anything???

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Do I LOOK like your parents to you?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Then why the FUCK WOULD YOU MISLEAD ME LIKE THAT  
THERE'S A PLACE IN HELL FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I mean it's not like he actually said 'hey Jongdae, are you hungry? I'm taking you out'

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Wow, Baekhyun is actually showing common sense for once.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I'm kind of taking your side you dickhead

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
No, you just want to use this as a chance to make fun of Jongdae.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Tea

  
**Realpcy:**  
It's 2017 nobody says tea anymore

  
**Oohsehun:**  
So bite me

  
**Realpcy:**  
Thats Jongin's job

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Ok seriously what's with you and me and Sehun having every 'job' for each other

  
**Realpcy:**  
Well you guys are kinky like that

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I don't know if I should be concerned you casually know so much about our sex life

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Are you REALLY asking that?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Is it typed out  
Oh look at that, it is  
So yes I'm really asking that

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You all talk about your sex life on here like it's a normal everyday thing. I'm currently grimacing. 

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Technically it is a normal everyday thing between us now  
It's not a normal convo unless someone brings up sex at least once

  
**Huzitao:**  
Really though ^^^^^

  
**Minsucc:**  
I swear you all have enough sex for ME

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Um I'm drawing blanks  
Idk how to respond to that

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Anyways  
Me and Yeols fourth anniversary is coming up  
I assume you all have wonderful gifts and surprises planned for us :)

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
HA. HA. 

  
**Baekyawn:**  
What's so funny

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
It's YOUR anniversary but you really think WE have to get YOU something for your anniversary with CHANYEOL?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
UM ITS SERIOUS?  
We've been together for four years!!  
Four!!!!

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Maybe it's a huge deal for you because your relationships usually last six seconds but  
You're assed out  
Im not spending my paycheck on an anni gift for you and Chanyeol  
That's just weird

  
**Baekyawn:**  
ITS CONSIDERATE

  
**Junmoney:**  
It's corny.  
Forever clearly doesn't exist.  
AND I SWEAR TO GOD ZITAO IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YIFAN.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
KFJAIFJSKCJC

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I'm actually really offended rn  
IVE BEEN DATING CHANYEOL'S ASS FOR FOUR YEARS NOW  
I DESERVE A PARTY THROWN FOR MY ASS

  
**Realpcy:**  
What the fuck is that supposed to mean

  
**Oohsehun:**  
He's talking about how he's changed his hoe ass ways for you  
Feel special I guess

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Nah he's clearly saying Chanyeol is well  
You know  
CHANYEOL  
And Baek dating him for that long is like woah  
Someone give him a medal  
Ya know

  
**Realpcy:**  
Baekhyun so which one is it

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Pretty much both?

  
**Realpcy:**  
So what's the bad thing about dating me huh  
What's so bad about me that you deserve a medal???  
Hm???

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Well you're very pushy, persistent.

  
**Realpcy:**  
Fuck you I wasn't asking you

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You can't control your facial expressions whenever you're laughing  
Its kind of aggravating

  
**Realpcy:**  
Don't recall asking you either???  
So shut up???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Well thought I'd put my two cents in since Kyungsoo did

  
**Realpcy:**  
I'll remove your asses

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Don't forget Jongin exists

  
**Realpcy:**  
I am the fucking CREATOR of this chat  
Show some respect

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMAOOO???  
What?? You aren't a king because you put 12 people together in one chat

  
**Realpcy:**  
Istg all I do is BREATHE and you find a way to attack me

  
**Oohsehun:**  
:')

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Do you really wanna know the bad things about dating you Chanyeol

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yes

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Don't tell him  
He's very sensitive

  
**Realpcy:**  
No I'm not

  
**Huzitao:**  
I bet he's crying right now while typing that  
Thinking of all the things Baekhyun could possibly hate about Chanyeol

  
**Realpcy:**  
HATE???? I only said /bad/ things about me

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Good going Tao  
Now he's gonna cry

 

 **Realpcy:**  
But I'M NOT???

  
**Huzitao:**  
But you're getting defensive  
People only get defensive when their lying

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
It's they're, you idiot.

  
**Huzitao:**  
I don't recall me being apart of a spelling correction group chat

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
With your shitty punctuation and occasional bad spelling, it'd be a miracle if someone even invited you to be apart of one.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Wow  
I'd be offended but it's not like youre lying

  
**Realpcy:**  
I'm getting defensive because I'm NOT crying  
Anyways this is ridiculous  
Baekhyun just tell me I can handle it

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Well sometimes you snore too loud

  
**Realpcy:**  
I do not snore

  
**Minsucc:**  
How would you know if youre asleep?

  
**Realpcy:**  
I'd feel it

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Wtf???

  
**Realpcy:**  
Anyways next??

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You always turn down the heater at such an unreasonable degree

  
**Realpcy:**  
Its literally on 80 right now

  
**Baekyawn:**  
OKAY and you know how cold I get  
I need it to be 90 and above

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Are you trying to cook yourself or something??  
I can only imagine your bills lmao

  
**Realpcy:**  
Even Sehun realizes how ridiculous you are with the heat Baek

  
**Baekyawn:**  
It's not my fault you freakishly tall people have like installed heating systems inside your body

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Dramatic but okay

  
**Realpcy:**  
Anything else Baekhyun??

  
**Zhangyix:**  
This one's a trick question  
You know that saying strike 3 and you're out

  
**Kingjongin:**  
That's for baseball

  
**Zhangyix:**  
People use it for other situations

  
**Oohsehun:**  
What kind of people do you hang out with

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Doesn't concern you

  
**Realpcy:**  
Baek???

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Uh  
Nothing else??

  
_Baekyawn has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Lmao what a nice way to avoid a question

  
**Realpcy:**  
That little SHIT

  
_Realpcy has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Zhangyix:**  
So.....  
How much do you all wanna bet Chanyeol is crying right now

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Or giving Baek that angry rough sex

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
LITERALLY. JUST ONE DAY WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT SEX. ONE.


	11. XI

**Jongdaeddy:**  
I am having the most loneliest day ever  
And it wasn't like yesterday was any better

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
That's offensive 'cause I spent almost the entire day with you yesterday?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Well you made my day that much tolerable  
But really  
It was so small, it was pointless

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
And this is literally why nobody calls you up when they go out.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Where's Minseok?  
He's usually brightening up your day and shit

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
That's the thing, he's visiting his parents for the weekend :((  
I'm so lonely and upset

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Good.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I REALLY can't stand you right now

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Surprised you haven't removed him yet

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Because I don't fucking know how  
I only know how to remove myself

  
**Oohsehun:**  
What...

  
**Luhandjob:**  
LMAO FUCKING IDIOT WOW

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
ALRIGHT SO INSTEAD OF MAKING FUN CAN YOU LIKE HELP

  
**Luhandjob:**  
No I like seeing you suffer

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I swear some days I feel like Kyungsoo is your long lost twin

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
We look nothing alike.  
We aren't even the same race wtf?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I think he's implying because you're both evil

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Your user should've been Satansoo instead of Kyungsoo.

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Wow so clever, there are actual tears coming out of my eyes right now.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Someone remove him for me please

  
**Huzitao:**  
I'll do it

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Thank YOU

  
**Huzitao:**  
But you gotta do something for me

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Are you serious right now

  
**Huzitao:**  
I'm doing your dumb ass a favor??

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Fuck you and your bribing  
I can just Google it

  
**Oohsehun:**  
And why didn't you think of that sooner

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Shut up Sehun  
Because when I figure it out, you're getting removed second

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
IF YOU* figure it out.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Choke really

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Wait what's this?  
LMAOOOO I COME BACK TO FIND OUT DAE CANT REMOVE PEOPLE

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
CAN YOU GO BACK TO DOING WHAYEVER IT IS YOU WERE DOING ASSHOLE

  
**Baekyawn:**  
As fun as trying to get Chanyeol to talk to me was  
No thanks  
I've exhausted myself out

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Told you all he was sensitive from yesterday

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Why won't he talk to you

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I think it has something to do with yesterday

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You think??

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Okay maybe it has a lot to do with yesterday  
But he'll get over it eventually bc we were fine all night?? But then he woke up all??? 

  
**Kingjongin:**  
???? This is why your relationship is crumbling  
Communication is KEY

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WELL HE WON'T TALK TO ME SO COMMUNICATION CAN SUCK MY DICK

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Now you got him all riled up

  
**Baekyawn:**  
CHANYEOL HAS NEVER WENT MORE THAN TWO HOURS WITHOUT TALKING TO ME. HELP 

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
So in other words, you're attention deprived.

  
**Junmoney:**  
How about you sign off and rest for a bit?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
NOWS NOT THE TIME FOR YOU TO BE PLAYING THE MOTHER ROLE JUN

  
**Junmoney:**  
You just asked for help.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I DONT CARE

  
**Junmoney:**  
Well then, neither do I. :)

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Where's Zitao with the Yifan jokes towards you to make me feel better

  
**Huzitao:**  
Sorry I'm all brain dead today

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
More like everyday

  
**Huzitao:**  
At least I know how to remove people from the chat

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
You're gonna die a slow excruciating death and I'll be watching on the sidelines laughing

  
**Huzitao:**  
Then I'll come back as a ghost and haunt you every single day until you have no other choice but to kill yourself

  
**Wuyifan:**  
You guys talk about death so naturally  
I worry about you all sometimes

  
**Minsucc:**  
Tbh same

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Yifan youre close to yeol right

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Is this a trick question  
Because NO BAEKHYUN FOR THE LAST TIME WE ARE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER

  
**Baekyawn:**  
That's not what I was gonna ask!!!

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Wait Baekhyun thinks you and Yeol slept together?! Dksjjfgh

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Sadly

  
**Junmoney:**  
Well, did you guys?

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Can you not read??? I just said NO  
N  
O

  
**Huzitao:**  
But why are you getting defensive?

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Bc I'm getting questioned about sleeping with yeol like what the actual fuck  
Hes like a younger brother to me

  
**Luhandjob:**  
You could have an incest kink for all we know

  
**Wuyifan:**  
But I DON'T??

 

 **Junmoney:**  
I sure hope you don't.

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Ok and if I did does it concern you?

  
**Huzitao:**  
Gross....so you do

  
**Wuyifan:**  
I DON'T  
I was trying to make a point

  
**Luhandjob:**  
That point being you have a secret hidden incest kink

  
**Huzitao:**  
Poor Junmyeon  
His 0.01% chances of getting back with you are really done now

  
**Wuyifan:**  
And you all wonder why I stay mute on this chat

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Lol you're mad bc your kink is exposed

  
**Wuyifan:**  
So remove me  
Oh wait  
You can't

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
>:(!!!!!

  
**Minsucc:**  
Leave Dae alone  
I think it's cute that he's clueless

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Whipped

  
**Minsucc:**  
And you're not?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Nope  
Neither am I a dumb ass like your bf

  
_Minsucc has removed Oohsehun from the chat._

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Thanks babe  <3 ily

  
**Minsucc:**  
Anything for you ilytoo  <3

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Anyways  
Like I was asking earlier  
Are you close to yeol yifan

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Baekhyun I swear to God

  
**Baekyawn:**  
LOOK I JUST WANT YOU TO TALK TO HIM  
HES IGNORING ME

  
**Wuyifan:**  
And how is this is my problem

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Bc you could talk some sense into him??  
Idk??

  
**Junmoney:**  
Yifan isn't good at advice. He'll probably just go over, play games, drink and eat junk food with Yeol.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Look @ you knowing your ex husband so well

  
**Wuyifan:**  
We were never even married and Luhan I know where you live don't forget

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Hey  
Threatening in the gc is only Soo's speciality

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I don't know if I should feel flattered?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
FEEL NOTHING BECAUSE CHANYEOL IS STILL IGNORING ME  
AND NOBODY CARES

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Can you DROP IT ALREADY

  
_Junmoney has removed Baekyawn from the chat._

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Look at my ex parents saving the day for us :^)

  
_Wuyifan has removed Jongdaeddy from the chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((I said this last time bc I like to repeat myself apparently)) but thank you all for the sweet comments!!! Tbh, I really don't think I'm funny but you all tell me this chat makes you crack up so I'M REALLY GLAD IT DOES. It means a lot to me so thank you, thankkk youuuu <33


	12. XII

**Huzitao:**  
Do any of you have money I could borrow

  
**Luhandjob:**  
How about you get a job

  
**Huzitao:**  
I do have one dipshit  
I just don't get paid this week

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Why not

  
**Huzitao:**  
I get paid every two weeks

  
**Luhandjob:**  
So get a job that pays weekly

  
**Huzitao:**  
Getting real tired of your shit

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Least I get paid this week!

  
**Huzitao:**  
.

  
**Realpcy:**  
I think I have some money to spare  
How much you need

  
**Huzitao:**  
600

  
**Realpcy:**  
WTF???  
DO YOU WANT A BRAND NEW CAR TOO WHILE I'M AT IT??

  
**Huzitao:**  
Stop acting like I asked for 60000

  
**Realpcy:**  
I don't have the money to be freely handing out 600???  
I was expecting you to say like 20 or some shit

  
**Huzitao:**  
I'm not cheap  
Who do you take me for

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yeah well I am so youre assed out buddy

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Why do you need so much anyways?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Probably for more name brand shit he most definitely doesn't need

  
**Huzitao:**  
No try again  
Ngl I was thinking about it though but I have another important issue to worry about

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
So what is it for?

  
**Huzitao:**  
My cars transmission is fucked  
Dude said it would've been a couple of thousands but I brought the price down

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
You sucked his dick didn't you

  
**Huzitao:**  
I'M NOT BAEKHYUN WTF

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WTF OFFENSIVE

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You would've suck someone's dick to lower the price Baek

  
**Baekyawn:**  
OH SEHUN  
STOP TALKING 

  
**Minsucc:**  
So how did you bring the price down

  
**Huzitao:**  
I'm very persuasive

  
**Luhandjob:**  
LMAOO YEAH  
YOU SO SUCKED HIS DICK

  
**Huzitao:**  
I DIDNT. I REALLY TOLD HIM I DIDNT HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY ON ME AND HIS WORKSHOP LOOKS KIND OF SKETCHY ANYWAYS 

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
How you managed to bring down a high price that low concerns me.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
He obv did something illegal  
Like give head to a mechanic on the job

  
**Huzitao:**  
I JUST TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED. IF I GAVE HEAD MY SHIT WOULDVE BEEN FREE AND IT WOULDVE BEEN FIXED BY NOW

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Do you really think your head game is THAT good???  
LMAO

  
**Huzitao:**  
I'd like to think so  
So yeah???

  
**Junmoney:**  
I'll pay for your transmission.  
Where are you now?

  
**Huzitao:**  
THANK YOU THANKYOUUUU  
I'm at the mechanic place that's like twenty minutes away from my house

  
**Junmoney:**  
Okay, I'm taking out money now.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
WTF???  
Last time I asked for a favor and you said no  
AND ZITAO BULLIES YOU ABOUT YIFAN ALL THE TIME

  
**Junmoney:**  
Car troubles are serious problems.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Exactly  
Luhan wouldn't know because he's relies on public transportation

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Okay so are you gonna buy me a car??

  
**Huzitao:**  
Nah  
With your WEEKLY paying job im sure you can handle it all on your own

  
**Luhandjob:**  
I honestly hope you choke on whoevers cock you decide to suck next

  
**Huzitao:**  
Sure  
I'll be doing it in the driver seat of my CAR too :)

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Wouldn't that be difficult  
Because the steering wheel and all

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Yeah you would know

  
**Baekyawn:**  
ITS AN OBSERVATION YOU DICKHEAD  
LIKE YOU NEVER SUCKED DICK IN A CAR

  
**Minsucc:**  
How are you gonna ask the youngest of the group chat that

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Does it matter???  
He's already tainted enough

  
**Zhangyix:**  
All because your bf thought it was a good idea to make this chat and fuck up Sehun's innocent mind even more

  
**Realpcy:**  
Excuse the fuck out of YOU  
Sehun wasn't no angel before this chat was made

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I think the world's ending because for once, I agree with Chanyeol.

  
**Realpcy:**  
I think so too bc im not offended you think you're above me to not want to willingly agree with me

  
**Junmoney:**  
Zitao, I'm almost there.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Good the mechanic keeps looking at me like I'm gonna steal something  
Like SURE I'll just steal a box of tools why not

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Little do you know those tools could actually come in handy so stop screwing around

  
**Huzitao:**  
..........

  
**Minsucc:**  
Was that supposed to be a pun

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Did you laugh babe

  
**Minsucc:**  
More like face palmed??  
Sorry?? :/

  
**Kingjongin:**  
More like cringed  
You're so corny what the hell

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
And where are your puns??  
Right that's what I thought

  
**Kingjongin:**  
My puns would be way better than that though so

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
So come on  
Let's hear it hot shot

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
I can't just randomly say one??  
My speciality isn't being a comedian

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
That's no shocker

  
**Kingjongin:**  
And you're a fucking clown

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
At least I'd make everyone laugh :)

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Yeah because your entire occupation would be a joke

  
**Realpcy:**  
This is offensive to all clowns around the world

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Really Chanyeol 

  
**Realpcy:**  
We're in 2017  
Anything you say would be considered offensive

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Okay but I was offended on Halloween last year with all those creepy clown sightings

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
It's not like you went trick or treating, so?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Exactly I couldn't because I was afraid I'd be KILLED

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Baekhyun you are twenty-four years old

  
**Baekhyun:**  
I bet you sold pot covered in chocolate to kids on Halloween

  
**Zhangyix:**  
And waste a good couple of hundreds on kids??? Yeah ok

  
**Minsucc:**  
So you're more worried about losing money rather than getting kids high

  
**Zhangyix:**  
They all get curious and try it one day  
Take Baekhyun for example

  
**Minsucc:**  
Baekhyun isn't a kid?

  
**Zhangyix:**  
With that mindset of his sometimes you'd think so

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO INSULT ME LIKE THIS FUCK YOU

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You were about to trick or treat on Halloween last year at the age of twenty-four years old. You're asking to be insulted.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
GETTING FREE CANDY SHOULDN'T HAVE AN AGE LIMIT

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Okay but I kind of agree with this ^

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You're both fucking children, I swear.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
And you're a cranky eighty year old trapped inside a young adults body

  
 **Jongdaeddy:**  
I kind of agree with this as well ^

 


	13. XIII

**Minsucc:**  
Guys I'm extremely uncomfortable rn

  
**Huzitao:**  
How come

  
**Minsucc:**  
I'm at the movie theaters waiting for Dae right  
And this guy keeps checking me out

  
**Realpcy:**  
Saying this while dae is connected to the chat is a real dumb move

  
**Minsucc:**  
Explain

  
**Realpcy:**  
He could be reading this rn clenching his fists like that Arthur meme

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Or he could be on his way there and would wanna fight the guy

  
**Huzitao:**  
Jongdae??? Fighting??? LMAOOOO  
Yeah ok

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Look just bc ur some Wushu washy master doesn't mean someone without Kung fu experience can't kick some ass??

  
**Huzitao:**  
So you're telling me Jongdae can kick ass

  
**Oohsehun:**  
BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I get what you mean Sehun don't worry

  
**Huzitao:**  
I get him too I'm just poking fun at him

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Kys

  
**Minsucc:**  
Uh yeah hi hello  
Still uncomfortable here  
He won't stop licking his lips  
What if he's a vampire

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Where the hell do you get all that from him just licking his lips and staring at you??  
Wow and you all thought the weed I smoke was rotting MY brain cells

  
**Junmoney:**  
They are. And Minseok, ignore him. If you feel like he's a threat, tell someone or stay by groups.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Aw look at Junmyeon being the mom of the group again  
Minseok do you want advice from dad as well

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Well my advice to him would be to kill that motherfucker if he keeps looking at my baby like he's a piece of meat

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Gross I was talking about Yifan  
But glad to know about your kink i guess

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Its not in my user for nothing ;))

  
**Baekyawn:**  
*gags*

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Your whole relationship with Chanyeol is GAG

  
**Realpcy:**  
CAN YOU EVER JUST GO A DAY WITHOUT INSULTING OUR RELATIONSHIP  
OR LEAVE ME OUT OF IT  
I DIDNT EVEN INSULT YOU

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Yet  
You didn't insult me YET

  
**Realpcy:**  
What?? Do you think I just write down in my calendar: days and time to annoy Jongdae???

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Didn't say that but I wouldn't put it past me tbh

 

 **Realpcy:**  
Drop dead  
I don't have THAT much free time on my hands

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Your late nights of playing resident evil says otherwise

  
**Realpcy:**  
Exactly my free time goes towards my video games not on Jongdae

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Good because no one wants your attention anyways

  
**Realpcy:**  
Great

  
**Minsucc:**  
Oh God now he's winking at ME  
What do I do back

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Flip him off

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Just look away, ignore him.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Wink back I wanna hear about whatll happen next

  
**Junmoney:**  
It'll just spur him on? No. Don't do that Minseok.

  
**Minsucc:**  
Wasnt really planning on it but thanks guys I guess for the no help at all

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Well what do you expect us to do? Drive to the movies just to straighten him out when he's probably some hormonal teenager that finally lost his virginity yesterday?

  
**Minsucc:**  
Okay bye because he looks like he's closing in on 50

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Or maybe he just has really bad aging genes

  
**Minsucc:**  
If you're a teenager but look 50, there's definitely something wrong 

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Don't be so SOUR because some people age like spoiled milk

  
**Junmoney:**  
That joke was so harsh. I even cringed.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
It wasn't intended I swear

  
**Realpcy:**  
Then why did you capitalize sour

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Because my phone autocorrects it

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I'm pretty sure it doesn't

  
**Baekyawn:**  
HOW ABOUT YOU WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF

  
**Minsucc:**  
Or worry about me because the guys getting out of his seat  
He's walking away but he glanced at me again, giving me this LOOK  
Idk why???  
Oh wait

  
**Zhangyix:**  
What's up?

  
**Minsucc:**  
I think he wants me to follow him into the bathroom...  
Oh God

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Where the hell is Jongdae?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Traffics a bitch that's where I am

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Why couldn't you have just picked up Minseok in your car from my place?? Makes it all the more convenient

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
He was already there when he called me to go with him to the movies

  
**Minsucc:**  
And now I'm regretting it because I've been waiting for like a half hour now

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I'm sorry babe :((  
I'll make it up to you, I promise

 

 **Minsucc:**  
That's if I don't die tonight

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Is the perv still in the bathroom

  
**Minsucc:**  
Yes but who knows for how long  
He's probably expecting me to walk in any minute

  
**Huzitao:**  
Well are you

  
**Minsucc:**  
NO???  
First you tell me to wink back and then you ask a dumb question  
Getting a weird vibe you have it out for me

  
**Huzitao:**  
Or maybe I just need some excitement in my life

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
By basically wanting my boyfriend to be slashed to pieces??

  
**Huzitao:**  
They're in a public place  
I'm sure the man isn't THAT dumb  
He'd probably like knock him out cold or something and then try and sneak him out

  
**Minsucc:**  
Wow Zitao  
You REALLY know how to make someone's nerves be at ease :)

  
**Huzitao:**  
Anytime :)

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Okay I'm pulling into the parking lot Min  
And the next time anyone needs advice  
Don't ever ask Tao

  
**Realpcy:**  
You really don't have to tell me twice lmao

  
**Huzitao:**  
I wouldn't give you advice even if you paid me

  
**Realpcy:**  
Well even better because that'll be money wasted

  
**Huzitao:**  
I sincerely hope your dick falls off 


	14. XIV

**Oohsehun:**  
Let's play would you rather

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Or not?  
Some of us are asleep, you know, or trying.

  
**Junmoney:**  
Or working.

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Working?? It's almost two am.

  
**Junmoney:**  
Money never sleeps.

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I guess.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
So is that a yes

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
It's a solid no. Ask your boyfriend, who is most likely knocked out as well, and right beside you.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Jokes on you  
Or me actually  
Because he's not here. He's at his sister's

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Sucks to suck, goodnight.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
KYUNGSOO COME ON IM BORED  
AND IM LONELY

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I can't seem to see where this all falls back on me.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You are literally the worst friend anyone could have

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I'm sorry I don't want to stay awake at ass o'clock to entertain my childish friend. Some of us have work in the morning.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Then why weren't you already asleep when I texted??

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Who said I wasn't and had gotten woken up?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
And um highly offensive because I have work as well  
Just not in the morning

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I'm down to play

  
**Realpcy:**  
Me too

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Yay good  
Is anyone else online

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Again, half the world is asleep.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Then fine I don't need you anymore

  
**Baekyawn:**  
No Soo stay  
The more people the better

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
No.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
SOO JUST LIKE TEN MINUTES THATS ALL

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
The ten minutes I'm wasting RIGHT NOW are important. Goodnight.

  
_Kyungsoo has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Ugh see what I mean  
He's like an 80 year old

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Eh whatever  
I got you and Chanyeol now  
So let's play

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Im awake  
And I got one in mind

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Let's see it

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Would you rather go blind or deaf?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Starting off hard I see  
Uh I would say deaf?? I feel like I need my vision more

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Same here

  
**Realpcy:**  
Tricky but blind probably   
Music is everything to me so if I won't be able to listen to it ever again  
I might as well kill myself

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Ok the game is supposed to be fun not deep

  
**Realpcy:**  
He asked a serious question and I answered seriously  
What if you lost your hearing tomorrow hmm??!

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You always act uglier than usual when it's past midnight I hate you

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Moving on  
Luhan, your answer

  
**Luhandjob:**  
It's hard I can't choose

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Well you have to because it's apart of the game

  
**Luhandjob:**  
But I can't because like  
Losing my eye sight? Never being able to see ever again??  
And then it's like, going deaf  
Never being able to hear ever again?? It's HARD

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
LISYEN HERE CHANYEOL 2.0 YOU FICKING ASKED THE QUESTJIN SO ANDWER IT YPU SHITHEAD

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I don't wanna play anymore if Sehun is gonna get violent and lu and Yeol are gonna get complicated as hell

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Fine fine I'm calm  
Give us an answer lu, PLEASE with a cherry on top :)

  
**Luhandjob:**  
I just told you, I CAN'T

  
_Oohsehun has removed Luhandjob from the chat._

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Okay give me a sec  
Imma Google some

  
**Realpcy:**  
Dont choose any life contemplating hard ones

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Yeah yeah  
Brb

  
**Minsucc:**  
I wanna play and I got one

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Please don't pull a Luhan on us

  
**Minsucc:**  
Lol I won't  
But would you rather have Yixing or Junmyeon as a sugar daddy?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Wtf?

  
**Minsucc:**  
Im only asking it because let's be real  
They're the richest out of all of us

  
**Baekyawn:**  
True

  
**Minsucc:**  
So which is it

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Probably Junmyeon  
I'd feel like he'd be satisfied with only a bj and he'd give me about 2 thousand $$ just for doing it

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yixing  
He'd probably only want to smoke weed with me and give me money for it

  
**Minsucc:**  
Lol are you dumb or something  
Why would Yixing give YOU his money for smoking HIS weed?

  
**Realpcy:**  
It was a THOUGHT 

  
**Oohsehun:**  
A really dumb one

  
**Realpcy:**  
Fuck you  
Weren't you finding us questions or??

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Yeah and they all suck tbh

  
**Minsucc:**  
What would be your answer Sehun 

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Damn idk  
I see Junmyeon as like a nagging mom  
And I see Yixing as that bad influential brother

  
**Minsucc:**  
So lets NOT see them as family and just choose

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Fine Junmyeon because I feel like he'd have more money in the long run  
Bc he's smart enough to fund his money

  
**Minsucc:**  
Hmm good reasoning  
I choose Junmyeon as well

  
**Junmoney:**  
Should I be flattered or disgusted? 

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Flattered obviously you have 3 young hot males after your money 

  
**Realpcy:**  
Jun wouldn't be saying that if Yifan said he'd want him to be his sugar daddy though

  
**Junmoney:**  
Oh, I wasn't aware Zitao had Chanyeol's phone? 

  
**Zhangyix:**  
I'd be offended I only got 1/4  
But I don't want to be a sugar daddy for neither of you so

  
**Realpcy:**  
Hey wtf I!! chose you

  
**Zhangyix:**  
For a really dumb reason  
Why would I give you free money and free weed like dude get real 

  
**Realpcy:**  
Can you just like take the compliment that /I/ chose you

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Okay thanks or whatever

  
**Realpcy:**  
Nvm I take my answer back

  
**Minsucc:**  
So does that mean you choose Junmyeon?

  
**Realpcy:**  
No  
I choose myself 

  
**Baekyawn:**  
LNAAOOO BYE YOU DONT EVEN MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO FEED A FAMILY OF ONE

  
**Realpcy:**  
But I make more than YOU??  
So I mean ok sure I guess 

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMAOOOO BAEK JUST GOT OWNED


	15. XV

**Kingjongin:**  
Do any of you have a washer

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You and Sehun have one though?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Not anymore  
And plus, I'm not home rn

  
**Oohsehun:**  
He's still at his sisters :(

  
**Baekyawn:**  
So wait what would he need to wash

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Its for my sister  
She doesn't want to spend money at the laundry mat so yeah

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I would help but right now I'm on lunch break.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
So?

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
..So I'm not home either???

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Its okay I know where your spare key is

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I don't own a spare key. 

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I know I made a copy of yours

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
What the fuck. When???!

  
**Kingjongin:**  
When I stood over and had to hide me and Sehun's dog in your apartment  
The store down the block from your house makes copies for like 3 bucks

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
They didn't even question you???

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Why would they  
It's not like I asked them to duplicate your ID or some shit

  
**Junmoney:**  
Now I'm curious.  
Do you have anymore spare keys to the others apartments?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Uh yeah

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Names

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Well def not your house keys

  
**Realpcy:**  
Are we supposed to be offended you didn't illegally copy the keys to our apartment

  
**Kingjongin:**  
No??

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Speak for yourself Chanyeol  
Why NOT us??? 

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Because if I made a spare key I'd either be walking in on some A) really kinky sex  
Or B) some really kinky sex

  
**Realpcy:**  
Okay true

  
**Baekyawn:**  
We do other things too??

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Spare me the details. I don't have a key for a reason

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I MEANT ACTUAL OTHER THINGS THAT DONT INVOLVE SEX

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Nice one lol  
Who else do you have a key for

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Yixings house

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Why me  
I smoke too much so my house is like suffocating for you

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Because you have that huge ass plasma in your living room

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Thats the ONLY reason you made an extra key?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Did I really need another reason?

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Guess not

  
**Minsucc:**  
Who else? 

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Umm tryna think here  
Oh! Zitaos

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Why him?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
He owns like every ps4 game known to mankind  
Need I say more

  
**Realpcy:**  
Why are you acting like I don't have every game either??

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Didn't we just have the discussion on why I don't want to go over to your house uninvited??

 

 **Realpcy:**  
Whatever cheap ass. Afford your own games

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Butter as fuck LMAO  
Bitter*****

  
**Realpcy:**  
Thats what you get ass cunt

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Ass cunt??  
WTF? What kind of insult? 

  
**Realpcy:**  
Problem????

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Nah do you I guess

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Anybody else on your list Jongin

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I think one more  
Or two  
I don't know  
I have to like label all your keys so I don't get mixed up

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I still can't believe you have the keys to your friends house. Mine included.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You should feel honored I even have a copy of yours

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Why the FUCK should I feel honored you went behind my back to make a copy of something that should only be MINE?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
HOW ABOUT you turn down that attitude a little

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I'm done. I gotta head back to work anyways. Jongin, don't you dare enter my house without my permission. Key or not.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You got it buddy

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol you're so gonna go in it aren't you

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Duh

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You do know I'm still connected to the chat and can receive the notifications, right.

  
_Kingjongin has removed Kyungsoo from the chat._

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You're gonna make him like fake an accident just to go home and make sure you're not there

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
Lol imagine  
He'd be so devastated to find out he left work early only to not find me at his house

  
**Minsucc:**  
So you're not going over...?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
No no I am  
Just when he least expects it

  
**Zhangyix:**  
You're going to give him a heart attack

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Please  
If anything Soo would be prepared  
He'd probably have a knife at my throat once I step foot in

  
**Realpcy:**  
Truth ^

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Did you figure out the last person yet

  
**Kingjongin:**  
No I actually stopped thinking about it  
Hold up

  
**Realpcy:**  
Why are you so anxious to find out Dae

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Because I want to know if he has a spare of mine and mins

 

 **Baekyawn:**  
So you can change your locks?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
No Baekhyun  
So I could hide the dead body laying in my tub rn

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WELL DAMN  
YOU SAY ONE THING

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Harsh???  
I don't even have a key to your house Dae  
And even if I did, I would've burned it you ass

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Good

  
**Minsucc:**  
So what's the last key for?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Yifans house

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Yifan???

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Why Yifan??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Don't write Yifans name 3 times or else Junmyeon will appear  
Kind of like Beetlejuice if you say his name 3 times

  
**Huzitao:**  
Idiot. you just said his name  
The total is 3 and Junmyeon hasn't popped up  
Congrats yeol, you believe in fiction shit

  
**Realpcy:**  
Like you didn't believe Beetlejuice would appear in front of you when you said his name 3 times when you were younger

  
**Huzitao:**  
I didn't even believe in Santa Claus  
Ever  
Your point

  
**Realpcy:**  
Wow  
What a dark dark childhood  
DID you also kill babies for fun??

  
**Huzitao:**  
How is me not believing some stranger is going to leave me ANY gift I asked for relatable to killing???  
Not my fault I had common sense at the age of an infant

  
**Minsucc:**  
Um ok  
Anyways  
Why do you even have a key to Yifans  
That's like really random

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Isn't it obvious

  
**Minsucc:**  
Would I be asking if it was

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Point taken  
I have the key to check up on his isolated ass  
Make sure he's not dead and shit

  
**Luhandjob:**  
OKAY SMART

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Wow would you look at that. An actual real reason to have a key to someone else's house


	16. XVI

**Junmoney:**  
I'm getting coffee.  
Do any of you want one?

  
**Huzitao:**  
Who's paying

  
**Junmoney:**  
Obviously me if I just offered?

  
**Huzitao:**  
Would I have to pay you back though

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Just shut up and accept the offer  
Are you going to dunkin or Starbucks

  
**Junmoney:**  
Dunkin, not Starbucks. Or do you prefer the latter?

  
**Realpcy:**  
The latter lmao

  
**Junmoney:**  
Okay, so Starbucks it is.

  
**Realpcy:**  
No, no  
I'm making fun of your vocabulary

  
**Junmoney:**  
So you don't want Starbucks?

  
**Realpcy:**  
I don't want neither  
Stop at mcd I'm craving their frappes

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Ooh I could use some of their fries rn

  
**Minsucc:**  
Or some domino's

  
**Junmoney:**  
Do I look like I want to drive around the city to fetch whatever the hell it is you all want?

  
**Huzitao:**  
Then why would you offer

  
**Junmoney:**  
Here's the difference, smart ass, I said do any of you want coffee. COFFEE.

  
**Realpcy:**  
A frappe IS technically a FROZEN coffee so that ^ doesn't apply to me

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lmao what  
A frappe isn't a frozen coffee

  
**Realpcy:**  
Um yes it is???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
No its not

  
**Realpcy:**  
If it's not coffee then what liquid is it made with?? You fuckin meathead

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Stfu  
As an individual who is obsessed with coffee  
A frappe is a knock off version of actual frozen coffee

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
You sound really dumb right now  
But nothing new with that I guess

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Leave Sehun alone

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Not my fault he's an airhead

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Don't make me insult Minseok

  
**Minsucc:**  
But I haven't even insulted you??

  
**Kingjongin:**  
It'll affect Dae more than it'll affect you

  
**Minsucc:**  
I'LL still be OFFENDED?? 

  
**Junmoney:**  
I'm like one second away from driving back home. Do you brats want anything? Yes or no. 

  
**Wuyifan:**  
How about you stop texting and driving before you get into an accident

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Aw dad's caring about mom so cute

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Or I'm stating the obvious??? Do you know how many die a day from texting and driving

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Wouldn't want your ex husband to die now would you  <//333

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Much rather have you dead right now actually

  
**Junmoney:**  
GUYS, LAST TIME. YES OR NO.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Yeah I'll take a med iced caramel from dd

  
**Junmoney:**  
How many creams and sugars?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Surprise me

  
**Junmoney:**  
Why the fuck would I do that?  
Just tell me the exact numbers.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Idk the exact creams and sugars :(

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
How do you not know how many sugars and creams you want in your own coffee?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Shut up you get no say in this  
You like your coffee bitter

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Your point? At least I know my own coffee order.

  
**Realpcy:**  
He likes 4 creams and 2 sugars

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I knew you'd have my back baby  <3

  
**Realpcy:**  
:*

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Fucking GROSS

  
**Junmoney:**  
Okay. Anybody else? I'm in drive thru at dd right now.

  
**Minsucc:**  
I don't like dunkin :(

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Its tolerable but mcd is better

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Mcd doesn't even serve real coffee

  
**Huzitao:**  
You all sound so stupid  
If mcd doesn't serve real coffee then what is it? FAKE coffee?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Exactly  
It's not fresh like dd or Starbucks

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Starbucks is over priced anyways 

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Its worth it though

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Not really??  
Why would I pay 5 bucks for a small ass drink that's like the size of my palm

  
**Realpcy:**  
You complaining about prices?? When you make more than enough to feed half the world?

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Just because I'm wealthy doesn't mean I like blowing my money on stupid shit

  
**Huzitao:**  
How dare you save up money!!! Start burning it you cheap ass!!

  
**Junmoney:**  
GUYS FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME. YOU ARE TESTING ME.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I told you I wanted mcd

  
**Junmoney:**  
Do I LOOK like I'm at mcd right now?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Um how am I supposed to know??  
We're on a chat NOT FaceTime

  
**Junmoney:**  
Because I wrote I was in dd drive thru earlier? 

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Well then I don't want anything

  
**Huzitao:**  
You sound like a stubborn brat

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I'm being CONSIDERATE of juns money actually

  
**Baekyawn:**  
How exactly

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I'm helping him SAVE money  
If I don't want anything I'm not gonna get anything from dd

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
How is that considerate for his money  
You just don't want anything so you're not getting anything??

  
**Junmoney:**  
Never mind. Only got Baek something since you all want to take this limited time to ARGUE.

 

 **Baekyawn:**  
Thanks JUNMYEON I OWE YOU  <333

  
**Junmoney:**  
No, it's fine. Last time you owed me as well and you tried to pay me back with a stripper.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Wtf Baek can pay me back with a stripper anytime

  
**Junmoney:**  
I'm not up for it, so no thanks.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Bet if that stripper was Yifan you'd be happy

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Okay that's an insult towards me?  
I'd never be a stripper??

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Well not a stripper but a PERSONAL stripper  
Just for Junmyeon

  
**Wuyifan:**  
That's the same fucking shit  
I'll still be considered a stripper

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Well if you want we can just keep it between us  
Whatever happens in this chat  
Stays in this chat

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Sure  
^ And btw that was a SARCASTIC sure

  
**Luhandjob:**  
>:(

  
**Junmoney:**  
I'm going to your house now guys.  
You said it was five creams and two sugars, right Chanyeol?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yes that's the order

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
HOLD ON. WAIT WAIT. I got enough coffees with Chanyeol in the past to know that's HIS order. Not Baekhyun's. 

  
**Baekyawn:**  
What

  
**Realpcy:**  
SOO WTF

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You just got played, Baekhyun. Chanyeol just robbed you of your own free coffee.

  
**Junmoney:**  
Um, okay. It's no big deal. I guess I'll turn back around.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
THANK YOU ILY JUN!!!

  
**Junmoney:**  
So, what's YOUR order before I get there?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Thats the thing  
....I DONT KNOW MAN :(

  
**Junmoney:**  
FORGET IT, BAEKHYUN. I DONT HAVE THE TIME FOR THESE GAMES. I'M BRINGING CHANYEOL'S COFFEE AND CALLING IT A DAY. 


	17. XVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if baeks dog name is spelled Mongryeong or Mongryong so ya I stuck with the last one lol

**Baekyawn:**  
I just seen the cutest puppy EVER :(

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Where?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
The dog park!!! He was soo cute I actually squealed. Mongryong was playing with him

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Vivi wasn't at the dog park today so I don't see how there was the cutest dog there? 

  
**Baekyawn:**  
.......  
Annoying

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Stay mad because mongurur whatever his complicated fucking name is is ugly

  
**Baekyawn:**  
SAY IT TO MY FACE CUNT  
MONGRYONG SHITS ON VIVI

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol Vivi has no worries about competition  
He's got it packed down  
I taught my son well

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
What kind of person names their boy dog a girl name  
Aka Vivi

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Who said Vivi is only a girl name??  
Why do you have to be so close minded???  
Vivi is unique anyways you dog-less person

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Anything else you'd like to get off your chest

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Ya  
Vivi is also better than you as well

  
**Huzitao:**  
Vivi can't even tell his left to right

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Remember when Sehun had THOUGHT he had Vivi trained LMSKFJSJFJD

  
**Oohsehun:**  
He IS trained......  
Now  
But that's besides the point

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I can't believe you actually uploaded that video of Vivi in that place that was full of activities but he didn't do ANYTHING  
You were so disappointed  
But tried not show it

  
**Realpcy:**  
*sings* all around me are familiar faces

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Okay but that video of Vivi got over 500 shares  
He's more relevant than you

  
**Huzitao:**  
Half the shares were from people making fun of him

  
**Oohsehun:**  
AND WHERE'S YOUR DOG THAT KNOWS HOW TO DO TRICKS?!?!  
THATS RIGHT NOWHERE

  
**Baekyawn:**  
See Mongryong wouldn't disappoint me like that

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Shut up  
All he does is piss and sleep

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Shall I remind you of how TALENTED Vivi is by linking you that tragic fb video you uploaded months ago

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Vivi can just breathe and he'd make everyone coo over him  
He's WINNING

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Too bad those 500 shares didn't think so

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Where's mongururs shares and likes?  
Oh yeah nonexistent

  
**Baekyawn:**  
They're nonexistent because I don't have a dog named mongurur

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Whatever his name is complicated as fuck  
Poor dog  
Such emotional abuse :(

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I WILL LITERALLY WALK TO YOUR HOUSE RN AND FIGHT YOU

  
**Kingjongin:**  
And we won't answer

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Stay out of this  
It doesn't involve you

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Kind of does

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Stay resentful because I got a wonderful boyf and talented dog that love me very much :)

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Corny because my dog and boyf loves me as well  
Right babe  
Tell them how Mongryong is the best

  
**Realpcy:**  
Gonna have to disagree there

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMSFOSIKF YOU REALLY THOUGHT BAEKHYUN

  
**Realpcy:**  
Its only because Toven is better

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Do you REALLY wanna go there as well??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Its a FACT

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Your dog is like two days old BYE

  
**Junmoney:**  
Aren't you allergic to dogs, Chanyeol?

  
**Realpcy:**  
No allergy is going to keep me away from cute dogs

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Then when you end up in the hospital, you know why.

  
**Realpcy:**  
You'll probably be the reason I EVER end up in a hospital

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I am not confirming nor denying this.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Doesn't Jongin and Junmyeon have dogs as well??

  
**Junmoney:**  
Yes?

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Why aren't you guys fighting as well  
You know like saying your dogs better or whatever crap

  
**Kingjongin:**  
It'll be futile arguing with Baek and Sehun

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Because everyone knows Vivi  >>>>

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Mongryong  >>>> Vivi

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Vivi  >>>>>>>>>> mongurur

  
**Baekyawn:**  
CAN YOU FUCKING STOP CALLING HIM MONGURUR

  
**Junmoney:**  
You guys should just cherish and love your pets.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Are you implying I don't love Vivi enough?!?

  
**Junmoney:**  
It's pretty clear Vivi didn't want to do anything in that video. Yet, you still recorded him.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
OKAY BUT WHERE'S YOURRRR 500 SHARES  
AND BYE HE WAS ACTING SHY

  
**Zhangyix:**  
You keep bragging like 500 shares are that big of a deal  
You aren't famous and neither is Vivian

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Vivian?????

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Sorry autocorrect

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
TOLD YOU VIVI WAS A GIRLS NAME  
EVEN YIXINGS KEYBOARD KNOWS IT

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Your mom wanted a girl but ended up with you

 

 **Huzitao:**  
jfjakfkskj you're literally so mad for a dog

  
**Oohsehun:**  
He's my SON  
Ofc I'll get mad whenever someone tries to come for him

  
**Baekyawn:**  
They wouldn't come for him if he wasn't an easy target

  
**Oohsehun:**  
BUT SERIOUSLY WHAT DOES MONGURUR DO BESIDES LAY DOWN???

  
**Baekyawn:**  
HIS NAME IS NOT FUCKING MONGURUR FOR THE LAST TIME YOU STUPID SHIT

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I'll correct myself once you admit Vivi is  >>>

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Suddenly my dogs name is mongurur

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
You all literally suck at naming dogs though  
If I had one, I'd name it something simple

  
**Oohsehun:**  
So let us hear it  
I just want to know so I can make fun of it and you'd feel stupid

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Stupid? Is that a feeling? I wouldn't know  
I've never felt it after all

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Wow you're annoying

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Are you gonna get the talented vicious Vivi on me? :)

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Don't test me  
I would literally train him on how to attack you and ONLY you

  
**Huzitao:**  
So in other words  
Never

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
DKSJGJSJC TBH

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You both can honestly choke cause at the end of the day its Vivi  >>>>> you all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally an entire chapter about them arguing over dogs bc why not


	18. XVIII

**Baekyawn:**  
Do any of you own a tux?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Why

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Why do you always have to question shit  
It's a yes or no question

  
**Oohsehun:**  
No I don't  
Even if I did, it wouldn't fit your dwarf ass

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I AM AVERAGE HEIGHT  
AVERAGE!!!!  
ITS NOT MY FAULT YOURE ABNORMALLY TALL

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Did you know height is like the #1 thing a girl looks for in men

  
**Huzitao:**  
Then I guess it sucks for you since youre gay

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I can probably still get more girls than you can  
And I'm gay

  
**Huzitao:**  
Are you betting right now?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
50 bucks says you can't get 10 girls numbers within a week

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Only 10?? Wtf  
That's so small

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I'm setting the bar low  
There's no way tao will get passed 4

  
**Huzitao:**  
I bet you 100 I can get 20 numbers in a DAY

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Dude you've already lost 100 bucks lol  
That's impossible

  
**Huzitao:**  
I don't hear you accepting the bet??  
What? Afraid I'll win?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Fine you're on  
You got until 1 pm tomorrow  
Time starts now

  
**Huzitao:**  
Better start warming up now :)

  
_Huzitao has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Minsucc:**  
Okay I know it seems unlikely for you Sehun  
But let's just say he does get 20 #s

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Let's just say you and Dae break up

  
**Minsucc:**  
That's not happening???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Exactly :)  
Zitao getting 20 #s in a day is 'not happening'

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Your cockiness disgusts me

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Its confidence

  
**Baekyawn:**  
That's literally what cocky people say

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Not really because they're 2 diff definitions

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Even though nobody has asked again  
Baek why do you need a tux

  
**Baekyawn:**  
My mom's friends wedding is coming up  
I don't own a tux and she wants me to attend  
Like wtf I don't even remember the lady

  
**Minsucc:**  
AW I love weddings!!  
I remember I went to my cousins a few years back. It was the most romantic thing

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Until there's the fights, the cheating and the divorce.

  
**Minsucc:**  
Really soo?

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
What? That's literally the outcome of 75% marriages.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Well when me and min get married we'll be the 25% that lasts

  
**Minsucc:**  
I can't wait for that day :')

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Wait yall actually discussed marriage before?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Plenty of times why

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Nothing  
Just reading about it makes me realize how old I'm getting

  
**Oohsehun:**  
That's something Junmyeon would say

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Dae and Min why dont you ask our ex parents aka Yifan and Jun about the marriage life

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Omg right I totally forgot about that

  
**Wuyifan:**  
And let it be forgotten  
For the last time I wasn't married with Jun

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Don't act like I didn't see that ring on his finger

  
**Wuyifan:**  
So it must've been from someone else because I didn't buy any rings

  
**Junmyeon:**  
Or maybe I was treating myself with something nice since you never did.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMAO THAT CLAPBACK  
HOW DO YOU FEEL YIFAN

  
**Wuyifan:**  
I know I didn't???  
I wasn't trying to waste my damn money??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Not even on your significant other?  
Harsh

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Are you aware your annoying bf is asking US for a tux  
How about your sugar daddy ass buys him a brand new one then?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I wouldn't make yeol spend that much on something I don't even care for  
It's not my wedding

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Why is your mom making you go then? I'm sure you can say no  
You're an adult

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I tried but she's so damn stubborn and persistent

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Sounds just like you

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Die  
I guess me and this lady were like really close when I was younger since she'd always babysit me  
I mean guys  
She's almost 50 why is she getting MARRIED

  
**Minsucc:**  
Hey you're never too old to have a chance at love

  
**Baekyawn:**  
She is 48  
48!!!!  
I'm sorry but your chances at love should just be BURNT

  
**Realpcy:**  
What if I want to get married at 48?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Then it'll be with someone that's NOT me  
I want to walk down the isle WITHOUT wrinkles on my face and without my parents half dead tyvm

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMAOOOOO DRAMATIC

 

 **Baekyawn:**  
BUT am I wrong???  
We'd have to keep the music really low bc someone would be bitching about how loud the volume is  
Or someone about the tempo of the music they can't dance along to bc their back

  
**Kingjongin:**  
It'd be like a retirement home wedding

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Exactly!  
I mean no offensive to old ppl they're really cute and small but come on  
There's a line you don't cross

  
**Zhangyix:**  
So which age do you plan on getting married

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Early to mid 30's  
Idk

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
With the way you're going you'd probably already have crows feet at age 30

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I hope you trip and fall walking down your altar

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
At least me and mins face at the wedding will be wrinkle free!!!

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Btw I have a tux but it won't fit  
Unless you wanna get it tailored

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Doesn't that cost money as well??  
Idc I'll wear your suit the way it is

  
**Oohsehun:**  
It'll literally be baggy on you

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Again  
I don't care for this wedding

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Aren't you supposed to bring a plus 1?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I am??

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Isn't that how weddings work??  
Right Yifan and Jun?

  
**Wuyifan:**  
We. Weren't. Married.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Still seen that ring though

  
**Wuyifan:**  
That I didn't buy

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Bc you're one cheap fucker

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Yeah so?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Your pointless argument can wait  
Jongin just drop off the suit  
I'll wear it like that

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Truly an idiot  
The pant legs are going to be dragging behind you

  
**Baekyawn:**  
That'll show them I rather be elsewhere than that damn wedding

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Where is it being held?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
.....  
I DONT KNOW??

  
 **Jongdaeddy:**  
Imagine if this was your own wedding  
It'd be chaos

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Here's the thing  
You won't be invited to my wedding

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Am I supposed to be hurt by that or

  
_Baekyawn has removed Jongdaeddy from the chat._


	19. XIX

**Zhangyix:**  
You guys I'm freaking out

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
How many times do we have to tell you to chill out on the weed

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
No no that's not it  
I'm hearing things in my apartment  
And you all know I live alone

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Again, too much weed can put you in a state of paranoia

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
SEHUN THIS IS NOT A JOKE  
THERE CAN POSSIBLY BE AN INTRUDER

 

 **Kyungsoo:**  
So instead of telling US, why aren't you calling the cops?

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
What if they hear me calling on the phone?

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
Can't you text cops now?

 

 **Minsucc:**  
I thought that was just a prank going around?

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
I guess it doesn't hurt to try

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Someone call the cops for me instead  
I hear them in the kitchen

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
We can't do that for you

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Why NOT IM ABOUT TO DIE

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Well I really can't because I'm using this phone to stay on this chat so

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
So click off the app and quickly call for me???

 

 **Junmyeon:**  
What's your address?

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Why is that even important right now?

 

 **Junmyeon:**  
If I call they're gonna ask for an address, idiot.

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Wow you don't even know it by heart

 

 **Junmoney:**  
You're about to get murdered but you're more worried about me not knowing your address?

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
YES? 

 

 **Baekyawn:**  
What are they doing now

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Its quiet too quiet  
It's worse now cause idk where they're at

 

 **Realpcy:**  
What can you possibly have in the kitchen tho  
Like why would they go there first

 

 **Jongdaeddy:**  
Maybe they're hungry?

 

 **Realpcy:**  
If I broke in Yixings house I'd steal all his weed

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
You don't even smoke what the fuck

 

 **Realpcy:**  
Okay but that's why I'd sell it

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
You don't even know anybody you can sell it to  
Like who besides Yixing smokes? 

 

 **Realpcy:**  
Don't you from time to time

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
I wouldn't buy weed from you  
I'd buy it from yix

 

 **Realpcy:**  
Why not wtf its the same thing  
Itd be HIS weed

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
Yixing always gives me good deals  
Right yix

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
SERIOUSLY  
WE'RE REALLY DISCUSSING THIS RIGHT NOW??

 

 **Realpcy:**  
Yes because I don't see the difference on who sells it to him

 

 **Minsucc:**  
You're all hopeless when it comes to helping ANYONE. Id know sadly   
I called for you Yixing there's someone on their way now

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
How could I ever repay you

 

 **Minsucc:**  
Just continue being a good friend

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
LMAOOOO WHY  
THATS REALLY ALL YOU WANT??

 

 **Minsucc:**  
Yes????

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Wow can you do favors for me 247 so I won't have to worry about repaying you back

 

 **Minsucc:**  
Now there's a difference for that  
You'd definitely have to pay back

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
??? Why???

 

 **Minsucc:**  
Yixing is soft and sweet

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
DONT SAY THAT  
I DONT NEED THE INTRUDER KNOWING THIS

 

 **Kyungsoo:**  
Why are you acting like the intruder is going to automatically read these texts?

 

 **Realpcy:**  
Isn't that telekinesis

 

 **Luhandjob:**  
That's for moving one place to another

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
I'm pretty sure that's invisibility luhan

 

 **Kyungsoo:**  
You're all fucking hopeless.

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Wow you all were so off I even cringed 

 

 **Luhandjob:**  
How???

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Telekinesis is when you move objects by mental power and then you luhan bring up teleport out of nowhere

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
TELEPORT!!! DAMMIT THATS WHAT IT WAS

 

 **Kyungsoo:**  
Doesn't matter now. You're all idiots.

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
And you're bitter

 

 **Kyungsoo:**  
Yeah, I know. Nothing new.

 

 **Minsucc:**  
Yix are you still there?

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Yeah  
I'm hiding in my closet

 

 **Realpcy:**  
Aka the #1 place ALL killers look

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
It was either that or under my bed  
At least I can hide behind my clothes and hurt him with a hanger

 

 **Baekyawn:**  
A hanger doesn't do damage

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
A wire hanger can do enough to give me time and escape

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Its 2017 who even OWNS a wire hanger

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
ME APPARENTLY AND IM GLAD  
ITS GONNA SAVE MY ASS WHILE YOU ARENT

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Idk what you're trying to imply but  
I'm not trying to get myself killed???

 

 **Kyungsoo:**  
He was obviously talking about when you didn't call the cops for him earlier.

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
BUT I wanted to stay on this chat in case like you know  
Something else happened and I missed it

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Like me being brutally stabbed to death?? 

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Well we wouldn't find out about that right away bc it's not like the killer is going to pick up your phone and tell us he killed you

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Just like tao  
You surely can help somebody when they're already panicking!

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Speaking of Tao  
Where are those 20 #s???

 

 **Jongdaeddy:**  
He's so not gonna answer lol

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Well that's not hurting me  
I just easily earned myself 100$

 

 **Junmoney:**  
Anyways, on a more serious note, have they done anything else yet, Yix?

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
No but they're scratching at my door omg

 

 **Baekyawn:**  
....scratching at your door...?

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Yes

 

 **Baekyawn:**  
Why would an intruder SCRATCH at your door  
I'm not understanding???  
Is it just me???

 

 **Kyungsoo:**  
What do you hear, Yix?

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Hold on  
Oh God

 

 **Luhandjob:**  
What???

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
OH NY GOD

 

 **Baekyawn:**  
What?!?!? What????

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
ZMFJEGDJCJ

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
WHAT?!??!  
IS HE KILLING YPU  
CHOKING YOU?!?!

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
You're not gonna BELIEVE what was at my door  
It was a cat. A CAT 

 

 **Jongdaeddy:**  
A fucking WHAT

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
It must've jumped in from the window that was opened in the living room

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Wow.... 

 

 **Minsucc:**  
So...basically now the cops are going to your house for nothing

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
Crap DUDE I JUST REALIZED THEYRE GONNA SEE ALL MY WEED

 

 **Kingjongin:**  
Just say it's oregano??  
It's not that big of a deal relax

 

 **Zhangyix:**  
........I'll just sit outside and tell them it was a misunderstanding but really Jongin...  
Remove yourself from this chat now smh

 


	20. XX

**Huzitao:**  
I could cry rn  
But I won't bc I'm in public

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Pussy

  
**Huzitao:**  
You don't even know my situation

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Bet you're gonna tell us anyways

  
**Huzitao:**  
Remove yourself  
I don't need your attitude today

  
**Junmoney:**  
What's wrong?

  
**Huzitao:**  
I just smashed my entire phone screen

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Seriously?  
That's it????

  
**Huzitao:**  
TF YOU MEAN 'THATS IT'  
YES??? MY PHONE SCREEN IS??? SMASHED???

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Quick take a pic of it  
I wanna see how damaged it is

  
**Huzitao:**  
.....how can I take a pic of my phone using my phone.....  
You know what  
Nvm

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yixing are you high

  
**Zhangyix:**  
YES how'd you know?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Oh yknow  
Took a reaallll lucky guess

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
How did you manage to smash your phone screen? Did you have a temper tantrum and slam it face first onto the ground?

  
**Huzitao:**  
Do you really think I'm that idiotic  
Actually  
Don't even answer that

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Yes, I do actually.

  
**Huzitao:**  
I JUST SAID DONT ANSWER THAT  
UGH YOU'RE ALL THE WORST  
I COME ON HERE HOPING ONE OF YOU CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH ME BUT I GET THE EXACT OPPOSITE

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Reminds me of that time I was stressed and nobody cared  
Bites ya back in the ass  
Hurts doesn't it

  
**Realpcy:**  
You had a real reason  
Zitao is acting like he can't just buy a new phone

  
**Huzitao:**  
That's the THING  
I CAN'T

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You can't or don't wanna

  
**Huzitao:**  
A little bit of both  
I'm trying to fund my money here

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Yeah RIGHT  
You??? Funding money??  
That's like Junmyeon going broke  
That's like Baek and Yeol not arguing  
That's like Kyungsoo being an angel for a day  
That's like Yixing giving up on weed for good  
That's like Yifan falling in love with Jun again

  
**Junmoney:**  
Okay, Dae. We get it.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
LMAOO he stopped you as soon as you said Yifan though

  
**Huzitao:**  
I too can fund money??  
I've been doing it recently actually

  
**Baekyawn:**  
But you JUST hit me up to go to the mall earlier??

  
**Huzitao:**  
Exactly.  
Ive been doing it /RECENTLY/

  
**Realpcy:**  
So in other words  
You probably only have like a penny saved

  
**Huzitao:**  
15 bucks actually  
The 15 bucks I could've spended on fast food on my way home from work but DIDN'T

  
**Oohsehun:**  
BC you dropped your phone and started crying like a little baby

  
**Huzitao:**  
THIS DEVICE IS MY LIFE OKAY  
ITS A MIRACLE IT EVEN WORKS RIGHT NOW

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Aren't you like cutting your thumbs if it's that badly smashed

  
**Huzitao:**  
No because I have my screen protector on it

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol that surely came in handy from protecting the screen, didn't it big guy :)

  
_Huzitao has removed Oohsehun from the chat._

  
**Huzitao:**  
Istg Jongin if you add him again I will gut you open

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Ouch my stomach clenched in pain

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Woah why so violent

  
**Huzitao:**  
I am still in public, gaping at my phone  
What am I going to do with my life now

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
How about you drive your sorry ass to the apple store, ask them how much would it be to fix your screen, figure out what you're gonna do and then head the fuck HOME.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Youre so wise soo really  
God bless your soul  
There's only one problem   
The same problem I've stated from the beginning  
I DONT HAVE THE MONEY FOR IT

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF YOU'VE NEVER EVEN CHECKED THE DAMN PRICES YOU THICK HEADED ASSWIPE?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WOAH HAS SOO EVER USED CAPS BEFORE??? LOL

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
This is like a miracle in itself???  
Soo is actually showing his frustration  
Rather than sounding so monotone and murderous through his usual lower case

  
**Huzitao:**  
This is APPLE we're talking about  
This is the IPHONE we're talking about  
You already KNOW the price won't be cheap

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Should've thought of that before you decided to smash your phone to pieces like the idiot you are.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Which speaking of  
You never even told us how you managed to smash it

  
**Huzitao:**  
I was at Walmart buying ferrero rocher chocolates they sell there for cheap

  
**Realpcy:**  
You dead ass just finished saying you were funding your money??

 

 **Huzitao:**  
This was AFTER I wanted to buy the chocolate obviously

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Didn't you say you were driving home from work and was gonna buy fast food but decided against it bc budgeting money  
So??

  
**Huzitao:**  
YEAH SO INSTEAD I WENT TO WALMART TO GET CHOCOLATE FUCK OFF  
STOP KEEPING TABS ON ME AND LET ME FINISH MY FUCKING STORY

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Lol the chats all yours

  
**Huzitao:**  
I was going to pay because I had a few spare dollars in my back pocket

  
**Minsucc:**  
Oh I think I know where this is heading

  
**Huzitao:**  
CAN YOU NOT INTERRUPT

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
So?? Who are YOU to tell him what he can and can't do?? 

  
**Huzitao:**  
ISTG DAE LET ME NOT SEE YOU TODAY OR ELSE. ANYWAYS FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME  
I WAS PULLING OUT MY DOLLARS TO PAY AND I FORGOT I HAD PUT MY PHONE THERE SO WHEN I QUICKLY TOOK OUT THE BILLS, MY PHONE ENDED UP SLIDING OUT MY POCKET AS WELL AND HIT THE FLOOR SCREEN FIRST

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Did you scream and drop down to your knees

  
**Huzitao:**  
Again  
I was in public  
I couldn't

  
**Junmoney:**  
What did you do then?

  
**Huzitao:**  
What any sane person would do  
I picked up the phone, cursed under my breath and left the store  
So in conclusion I'm chocolate less, my phone screen is smashed and I just can't find the will to go on

  
**Realpcy:**  
At least there's a silver lining

  
**Huzitao:**  
How can there POSSIBLY be a silver lining

  
**Realpcy:**  
You saved 15$ after all  
Turns out you CAN fund your money whenever something tragic happens to you

  
**Luhandjob:**  
^ this is true


	21. XXI

**Jongdaeddy:**  
Me and Baek lost our snap streak and now I can't seem to understand when everything went wrong in the world

  
**Oohsehun:**  
How long was your snap streak

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
A fucking year and a month  
Can you BELIEVE WE HAD A SC STREAK FOR THAT LONG ONLY FOR IT TO BE GONE???

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
It's not that serious, Dae.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SC STREAK WITH SOMEONE BEFORE???

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
No because it's ridiculous. I don't even have a snapchat.

  
**Realpcy:**  
Howd you lose your streak

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
By obviously not sc each other for a day dumb ass  
Don't you know how sc works?

  
**Realpcy:**  
I'm trying to show my false concern by asking questions so relax on the attitude buddy

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
A really idiotic one  
Youre just making me feel worse

  
**Huzitao:**  
Funny enough Baek doesn't seem to care you lost your sc streak

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
OFC HE WON'T  
I WAS THE ONE CONSTANTLY SAVING THE DAMN STREAK

  
**Baekyawn:**  
How so???

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Every time that hour glass popped up by the numbers, I'd SAVE the streak by sending you a pic of a black screen  
Ugh if only I had a nickel for every time I saved it

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Well looks like you wouldn't be getting that nickel now considering you didn't save it this time

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I was BUSY TODAY  
WHATS YOUR EXCUSE BAEKHYUN

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I wasn't on SC?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I knew I chose the wrong person to have a sc streak with  
I'm going to sleep with tears filled in my eyes

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Once again, dramatic.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
The only thing to look forward to is my streak with Min of 68 days

  
 **Minsucc:**  
Well now that I look at it  
68 isn't nothing compared to 395 days

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
DONT REMIND ME BABE :(((

  
**Kingjongin:**  
What were you so busy doing that you couldn't of just quickly sent a black screen to save the chat?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I was out all day  
My boss wanted me to meet some important people or whatever the fuck

  
**Baekyawn:**  
And I wasn't on SC so I didn't know our streak was gone tbh

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
You are the spawn of satan  
I should remove your ass from this chat

  
**Huzitao:**  
I have no problem with that

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Why are you coming for me tao  
Did I ruin something as well for you???

  
**Huzitao:**  
No I just like tag teaming on people

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Wow so sweet

  
**Kingjongin:**  
What made you remember about the streak dae

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I was trying to sleep right  
And you know that squidward meme when he has his eyes closed and then the next pic has his eyes opened  
Well yeah that was me when I remembered

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
It's really come down to you even thinking about snapchat before you sleep? Pathetic. Get better priorities, Dae.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Its all MUSCLE MEMORY  
I ALWAYS send Baek a snap before I sleep to keep the streak alive

  
**Baekyawn:**  
If it makes you feel any better I am upset as well  
I just looked at your name on SC and it looks so plain without the numbers and fire emoji besides it  </3

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT  
AMD ON TOP OF IT ALL  
YOU LEFT MY SNAP OPEN FROM 13 HOURS AGO YOU ASS

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Because it was a REAL POINTLESS SNAP

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
WHO CARES  
OUR STREAK WOULDVE BEEN ALIVE RN IF YOU JUST REPONDED

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Doesn't it take a whole day for a streak to die?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Yes why

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Then you still had 11 hours left?? From the 13 hour ago sent snap??

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
No he OPENED it 13 hours ago  
I probably sent that snap a day ago so there's that

  
**Baekyawn:**  
IF I KNEW YOUD BECOME A CRABBY BASTARD  
I WOULDVE NEVER STARTED A STREAK WITH YOU EITHER

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
This is our third time on an unsuccessful streak  
My patience with your responsibility is THIN

  
**Baekyawn:**  
RESPONSIBILITY???

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
YES FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY THAT YOU SEEM TO LACK

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Dae, it's really not that serious.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Losing the first snap streak after we reached 60 days was bad enough  
Losing another sc streak after 70 days was like a slap to the face  
Losing A YEARS WORTH OF A SC STREAK IS LIKE THROWING ME OVERBOARD WITH AN ANCHOR TIED AROUND MY ANKLE

 

 **Kyungsoo:**  
Dae, get help. It's people like you that shouldn't be on any social media apps.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
None of this would be happening if Baekhyun would've just SNAPPED ME

  
**Baekyawn:**  
BUT WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE ME??  
WHY NOT YOU SINCE YOU CARE SO MUCH

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
AGAIN I WAS BUSY AND OUT ALL DAY  
IT WOULDVE BEEN ABOUT TIME YOU SAVED THE STREAK FOR ONCE BUT OFC ID BE ASKING FOR TOO MUCH

  
**Luhandjob:**  
I remember I lost my streak with Minseok as well  
I thought the world was ending

  
**Minsucc:**  
What a liar??  
You literally didn't even care?

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Yes I did

  
**Minsucc:**  
Our streak was gone and you literally slid over to the chat to tell me about it and said 'oh well there's more important things to worry about'

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Oh yeah you're right lol oops silly me

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Did you just make Minseok obliviously bring that up just to spite me Lu

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Did it work?? ;)

  
_Jongdaeddy has removed Luhandjob from the chat._

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
If anyone of you have long steady streaks currently just know I hate you and envy you

  
**Realpcy:**  
I have one  
Almost a year and 6 months actually

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I dare you to fuck it up

  
**Realpcy:**  
Nice try  
Not happening

  
**Huzitao:**  
Who's the streak with??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Baekhyun

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
WHAT???!!!  
YOU BOTH HAVE A STREAK GOING FOR THAT LONG AND BAEK DIDNT EVEN FUCK THAT ONE UP???

  
**Realpcy:**  
Nope he didn't stay triggered :P

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I beg youre the only one that snaps him and you're always left on open though

  
**Realpcy:**  
At least our streak is still there!

  
_Jongdaeddy has removed Realpcy from the chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I actually lost my year++ streak with my friend (which is why I wrote this) and I was dead ass UPSET for DAYS. lmao I really need better priorities wow bye


	22. XXII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're obviously not famous in this fic so it was a struggle trying to find pics of them (otps) that DIDN'T involve having a mic, on stage or surrounded by fans lol

**Oohsehun:**  
So I'm going through my photos bc my phone storage is low right  
And I found this pic of Baek and Yeol

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
PG I hope.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Who do you take me for  
OFC ITS PG

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Lemme see!!

  
**Oohsehun:**  


  
**Baekyawn:**  
When was this

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I think when we went that fashion show  
It was before yall became official  
Chanyeol could not keep his eyes off you the entire night instead of the models  
SHIT was funny. Boy was whipped as hell

  
**Minsucc:**  
I think it's cute tbh  
You can see the love in his eyes

  
**Realpcy:**  
Okay Sehun  
Whipped as well  
And ty Minseok ly  


  
**Oohsehun:**  
When was this

  
**Realpcy:**  
When Jongin had that dance competition a couple of years back and you were the mc introducing him

  
 **Oohsehun:**  
We look cute so I ain't mad  
This pic is being saved

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
LMAOOO SEHUN'S HAIR  
I CANT BELIEVE JONGIN FUCKED WITH YOU BACK THEN WITH THAT FRUITY ASS HAIR  


  
**Oohsehun:**  
HOW TBD FUCK DID YOU VET RHAT PIC

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Easy  
I hacked your icloud. Surprised you still had that pic saved

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Lol that hairstyle was tragic but he was cute so

  
**Oohsehun:**  
OKAY BUT WHO DO YPU KNOW CAN PILL OFF RHAT KIND OF HAIRGYSYLE?!!!  
NONODY

  
 **Baekyawn:**  
True  
This hairstyle also happened (Jongin)  


  
**Kingjongin:**  
I look good your point

  
**Oohsehun:**  
HOW ARE YOU ALL FINDING THESE PICS WTF KYS GET OFF MY ICLOUD

  
**Minsucc:**  
Sehun looks so young aw

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Jong  
Your hair couldn't decide whether it wanted to be white or yellow  
Like what's up with those roots

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Not even mad  
Thinking about going back to the color actually

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Albert jokes part 2???

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Most awkwardest first date.  
And what the fuck were you wearing Dae  


  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
OH MY FOD  
WHY DKES TJAY PIC STILL ECIST  
FKSKGKV

  
**Minsucc:**  
We look like cute innocent teens

  
**Baekyawn:**  
That's because yall were  
Until you both turned ugly and tainted

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
My outfit.  
My EYES ARE BLEEDING

  
**Realpcy:**  
Could be as bad as Sehun's rainbow hair

  
**Oohsehun:**  
FIGHT ME YOU PRICK ASS DICKHEAD

  
**Realpcy:**  
Not worth my time  
Anyways  
Remember when me and Baekhyun became parents for a day  


  
**Baekyawn:**  
Such a cutie!!!

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Did yall steal that baby

  
**Baekyawn:**  
EXCUSE YOU  
WE WERE ASKED TO BABYSIT

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Baby sit who??

  
 **Realpcy:**  
My nephew

  
**Kingjongin:**  
OH MY GOD THATS YOUR NEPHEW??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Y e s

  
**Kingjongin:**  
He looks nothing like you

  
**Realpcy:**  
Because he's not my kid???

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Still  
You and your sis are like twins  
You'd think her kid would look like you IN a way

  
**Realpcy:**  
WELL

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Me and Minseok are cuter  


  
**Baekyawn:**  
Yall look forced to take that pic

  
**Realpcy:**  
Tbh hahaha

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
OKAY??  
AND YALL DONT HAVE ANY CUTE PICS TOGETHER

  
**Realpcy:**  
Try again  


  
**Oohsehun:**  
Chanyeol you look dead  
Or better yet high  
Or both

  
**Realpcy:**  
This was in college. We pulled an all nighter that night that's y

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Do we even want to know.

  
**Realpcy:**  
WE WERE UP STUDYING

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Each other's bodies I bet

  
**Realpcy:**  
Well of course ya  
But that's after we finished actually studying

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Me and Minseok are still cuter so

  
**Minsucc:**  
AGREED! 

  
 **Baekyawn:**  
Yeah right  
It's obviously me and Yeol

  
**Junmoney:**  
*Minseok and I.   
*Yeol and I.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Nobody asked

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Sekai for the win

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Who the fuck is sekai???

  
**Kingjongin:**  
That's me and Sehun's name combined

  
**Realpcy:**  
But your name is Jongin tf

  
**Kingjongin:**  
My stage name is Kai when I'm dancing  
So I just used that and boom. Sekai

  
**Baekyawn:**  
So that makes me and Yeol, Baekyeol!!!

  
**Realpcy:**  
Or Chanbaek

  
**Baekyawn:**  
No because that sounds uglier  
And my name deserves to be first obvy

  
**Realpcy:**  
We're supposed to be proving how we're cuter so I'm really not tryna argue rn  
So sure Baekyeol I guess

  
**Minsucc:**  
That makes us Mindae!!!

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Or Jongseok

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Both sound ugly as FUCK  
LFMAOODOSOX

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Call us ugly again  


 

 **Baekyawn:**  


  
**Jongdaeddy:**  


  
**Baekyawn:**  
WTF I DEAD ASS LOOK LIKE A PERVERT  
OKAY STOP NO MORE  
I CANT DEAL WITH THESE PICS OF ME CAUGHT OFF GUARD  
YOU GUYS JUST DONT KNOW MY ANGLES

  
**Luhandjob:**  
I hope you all know I am so saving those memes lmaoooo

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Save this one too while you're at it  


  
**Luhandjob:**  
DIE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((PS. I actually miss Jongin's hairstyle from overdose era. Bring it back SM thnx.))  
> I don't have anymore chapters written out and I kind of got writers block (like how??? Idk) so ya just a heads up, I don't know when the next chap will be up but hopefully the wait won't be too long!!


	23. XXIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel like this chapter isn't all that great but I had forced my ass to sit down and write because I'm like 'it's been a week, THINK'  
> So here you have it lmaoo

**Kyungsoo:**  
Remember when I told you all when I had gotten my new number, only call when there's an emergency - an ACTUAL emergency? I meant it, just so you know.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
This shade wow

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Glad to know I wasn't being discreet about it.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I was literally dying though??

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You called me because you couldn't decide between Tide or All laundry detergent.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Exactly  
Literally dying over which option  
They were both on SALE

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You don't even wash wtf

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
You don't even LIVE with me  
You don't have any say in what I do and don't do

  
**Kingjongin:**  
But the thing is I would know because half the time I always see Minseok doing the laundry

  
**Baekyawn:**  
When's the last time you even went over their house

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Like last week  
Min was doing the laundry while Dae was just like lounging on the couch

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
STOP MAKING ME SOUND LIKE A BAD LAZY BF WTF  
YOU WERE ALSO SPRAWLED ALL OVER /MY/ COUCH AS WELL  
I KNEW I SHOULDVE SLAMMED THE DOOR IN YOUR FACE WHEN I OPENED IT AND SEEN YOU

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
That feeling is mutual when I picked up your phone call and you started whining about detergents and prices.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I THOUGHT WE ALREADY DROPPED THAT

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Just because you all lack the ability to stay on one topic for a few minutes doesn't mean I was finished.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Jongin was the one that had brought up me not doing laundry????

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Which, for once, he had made a good point.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I DO LAUNDRY THOUGH SO YOU ALL CAN KINDLY CHOKE

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Idk I need affirmation   
Does he do the laundry min?

  
**Minsucc:**  
From time to time  
He mostly does the dishes

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
BOOYAAHHH  
IM NOT A LAZY BF AS YOU ALL THOUGHT

  
**Minsucc:**  
Well that's only because you dirty half the dishes in the house lol

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
BABE :((( WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME OUT IN THIS GC  
YOU KNOW THESE ASSHOLES WILL NEVER LET ME LIVE IT DOWN

  
**Minsucc:**  
I'm sorry! I just felt like everyone deserved to know you DO help out  
Our relationship is equally 50/50  <3

  
**Realpcy:**  
Bye  
It should be 100/100

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Then that'd equal 200

  
**Realpcy:**  
I know how to add sehun

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Okay and when the FUCK do you ever hear someone say 'our relationship is 200%'

  
**Realpcy:**  
Maybe because that sounds stupid as fuck???  
Where are you trying to go with this. Really

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I'm SAYING  
If you put 100% into your relationship and Baek puts 100% that's 200%

  
**Realpcy:**  
Again  
I'm aware I can add

  
**Oohsehun:**  
OMG YOU FUCKING ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT  
WHAT I'M SAYING IS MIN IS CORRECT AMD YOU'RE FUCKING WRONG  
ITS 50/50 = 100. NOT 100/100 = 200

  
**Realpcy:**  
Its not my fault you all stick to the status quo  
Me and baeks relationship is 200%

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You're literally so infuriating I want you GONE

  
**Realpcy:**  
Oohh a death threat from Sehun  
I expected that from Soo but ok

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Okay I get that I'm mean but why do you all make it sound like I BREATHE evil?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Maybe because you do?

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Really, really wish I would've never answered your call.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Whatever it was a waste of MY time  
You didn't even help. You told me to fuck off and then hung up

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
And just so you know, that was fifty useless seconds of my life I won't be getting back.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I was STILL in the detergent isle staring at my phone like an idiot  
I had gotten weird stares  
Just so YOU know

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You know the rules. Only call when there's an emergency. Literally, you better be taking your last breath before you decide to pick up that phone and dial my number.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
LMAOOO WHAT THE FUCK  
WHY WOULD WE CALL YPU INSTEAD OF THE AMBULANCE IF WE'RE DYING

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Because if you're not dying, I'm not picking up. I'm sure whatever it is you oh so urgently need to tell me, can be typed out through text.

  
**Realpcy:**  
Hey remember a minute ago when Soo said:  
''''okay I get that I'm mean but why do you all make it sound like I BREATHE evil?'''

 

 **Kyungsoo:**  
Just because I don't feel the need to willingly want to verbally socialize with you all, does not make me evil. 

  
**Huzitao:**  
Literally why are you in this gc  
No wait better yet  
Why are we FRIENDS WITH YOU

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
!!!!!! I fucking second this!!!!  
I can't believe he didn't help me out when I was in distress :(  
Some kind of friend

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Omg can you shut UP about the detergents

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
NEVER  
YOU DONT KNOW THE HELL I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN THAT STORE

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You're literally acting like someone told you to pick a damn detergent or you'd have to sacrifice yourself

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
AND THATS EXACTLY HOW IT FELT???

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You don't even wash  
Your opinion on laundry detergent is irrelevant

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Okay so just because I don't wash /sometimes/  
SOMETIMES!!!!!!  
SOME!!!TIMES!!!!!  
I can't want a good smelling detergent for my clothes??

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Just can't seem to understand why you made a big deal out of something so tiny

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Yknow you were bashing me earlier for being a terrible bf  
But at least I went out of my way and bought what Min asked for

  
**Huzitao:**  
So you're dick whipped?

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
NO THAT IM FUCKING HELPFUL AND I PLAY MY ROLE AS THE HELPFUL BF VERY WELL

  
**Huzitao:**  
LMAO it was a joke  
Damn got your panties all in a wad

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
This detergent situation had gotten me all fucked up  
So my mood remained blah

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Jongdae I swear to God if you say detergent one MORE TIME

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Wait before you decide to kick him off because I'm sure he's most likely gonna say it again  
Which detergent did you even end up buying dae

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
All

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Oh that's the wrong way to go  
Tide is better. Sale or not

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? WHY COULDNT I HAVE CALLED YOU INSTEAD. WHY IS LIFE IS SO UNFAIR

 


	24. XXIV

**Oohsehun:**  
Question  
If someone has really really bad breath  
How do you nicely tell them?

  
**Junmoney:**  
Kindly offer them a stick of gum.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Don't have any  
Even if I did, they wouldn't of taken it because they hate it  
Which I can't see WHY BECAUSE THEY NEED IT

  
**Realpcy:**  
Kindly tell them to shut up and if they ask why  
Say because theyve never heard of dental hygiene

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Are you illiterate??  
I JUST wrote 'how do you NICELY tell them'

  
**Realpcy:**  
And are you really that idiotic  
How can you POSSIBLY tell someone their breath smells bad

  
**Oohsehun:**  
EXACTLY MY QUESTION  
I'M ASKING YPU ALL

  
**Realpcy:**  
And I was asking a rhetorical question  
You can't possibly let somebody know without hurting their feelings

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Offer him something that'll keep his mouth occupied  
Like eating?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
That's where it all went wrong  
We already had our lunch break so while I had chips and a coke, he decided to have a tuna sandwich  
He didn't even have the AUDACITY TO BRING GUM??? LIKE???  
THAT'S LIKE ME EATING ONIONS AND GARLIC AND THEN BREATHING ALL IN PEOPLES FACES

  
**Realpcy:**  
You should totally do that next time to spite him

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I'm not you  
I'm not trying to lose all my friends at work Chanyeol

  
**Realpcy:**  
You ask questions and I answer  
What more do you want

  
**Minsucc:**  
Then let him know that his lunch choice was not the most pleasant and his breath is really disgusting

  
**Oohsehun:**  
He's sensitive  
Like extremely sensitive  
Like Zitao sensitive

  
**Huzitao:**  
HEY FUCK YOU  
I'M NOT TJAY SENSTIBE

  
**Baekyawn:**  
But you are easily triggered apparently

  
**Huzitao:**  
That's because Sehun's spewing NONSENSE

  
**Zhangyix:**  
You are sensitive though  
How is that nonsense

  
**Huzitao:**  
Being sensitive to CERTAIN  
CERTAIN!! THINGS IS NOT EXTREMELY SENSITIVE

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Well with the way you cry for everything, you'd think you are.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Okay making fun of tao is nice and all  
But can we get back to the topic at hat

  
**Huzitao:**  
I DO NOT CRY FOR EVERYTHING  
REMEMBER WHEN I SMASHED MY PHONE IN PUBLIC???  
I DIDNT CRY THEN

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Bet you did once you got inside your car

  
**Huzitao:**  
BUT I BOTTLED THEM UP UNTIL I GOT INSIDE SO FUCK YOU AND SEHUN

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Which speaking of, did you even fix your phone screen?

  
**Huzitao:**  
Would you judge me if I said no

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
No. I'd say 'I knew it' because that's expectant of you. So here it is, I knew it.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
GUYS

  
**Huzitao:**  
I didn't have enough $$$ to pay it this week

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Oh yeah with your every 2 week paying ass job lmaoooo

  
**Huzitao:**  
With your no car having ass

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Guess whose phone screen is still in one piece :P

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LOOK I'LL SMASH ALL OF YOUR PHONE SCREENS NEXT IF YOU DONT HELP ME OUT HERE

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Lmao dude just tell him his breath is wilding and he needs about 10 bottles of listerine

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Again  
He's sensitive

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You are very infuriating. You know that, right? What the hell do you want US to do about it?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
HELP ME LIKE THE USELESS FRIENDS YOU ALL ARE

  
**Baekyawn:**  
We gave you like 10 options

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Exaggeration  
They gave me 4  
Yes I actually scrolled up and counted

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Well good that's 4 options more than what you wouldve thought of

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Are you illiterate like your bf?? I said I need to tell him NICELY

  
**Realpcy:**  
I think YOU'RE the one that's illiterate because Minseok JUST told you a good enough one  
Like how nice do you want to be tf

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Extremely nice

  
**Realpcy:**  
So tell him he's the light of your dull days, he's a sweet sweet pure beautiful angel that needs to be protected at all costs  
He deserves all the good in the world but his breath really stinks

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I think the FUCK NOT

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I agree with Jongin here  
I'm not trying to have him think I'm attracted to him. the hell

  
**Baekyawn:**  
See now that's 5 options

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Sometimes I like to think asking questions on this chat would be a good thing  
Today is NOT one of those days

 

 **Kyungsoo:**  
Sometimes I like to think you would all finally learn your lesson on how NONE of you are helpful.  
Today is NOT one of those days.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Don't discreetly exclude yourself  
You aren't helpful either  
*flashbacks to the day I needed detergent*

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I don't answer idiotic questions.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Okay but mine was a genuine question  
Like what if you got yourself caught in a situation with someone who has really bad breath

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I'd just flat out tell them?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
And this is why you only have US 11 '''idiots''' to call friends  
Everyone else despises you

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I guess. But that's also why you're stuck smelling someone's tuna breath because you can't just let your balls drop and tell him face to face.

  
**Huzitao:**  
LMSODKFKS GET RECKTTTT

  
_Oohsehun has removed Kyungsoo and Huzitao from the chat._


	25. XXV

**Baekyawn:**  
Sehun you better come collect your bf because I'm going to KILL him

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol what did he do

  
**Baekyawn:**  
He turned my hair pink!!!!  
I think this was intentional from all the times I made fun of his silver hair

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I told YOU IT WASNT  
I GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE IM SORRY

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Sorry won't change my hair back!!!  
I look so crazy right now

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Pics or it didn't happen

  
**Baekyawn:**  


  
**Minsucc:**  
You don't look bad at all  
You look adorable actually 

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Thats the problem!!!  
I don't want to look adorable

  
**Oohsehun:**  
What color did you want anyways

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Red

  
**Huzitao:**  
How the fuck do you get pink from red?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Thats what I'M saying  
Huh Jongin??? HOW???

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Idk???  
MAYBE IT WAS YOU THAT BOUGHT THE WRONG DYE???

  
**Baekyawn:**  
The color was clearly red SO??

  
**Realpcy:**  
You look good

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Do you think that's supposed to make me feel better??  
Make me change my mind and suddenly love it??

  
**Realpcy:**  
No?  
I'm just saying /I/ like it

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Yeah well I don't care what you like at the moment because /I/ hate it

  
**Realpcy:**  
Wow did something crawl up your ass smh

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You asked for it  
I'm clearly here bitching about how I hate the color and you suddenly want to compliment it

  
**Realpcy:**  
So would you rather I say it looks hideous??

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I rather you not say anything how about that

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lmao you're so bitter  
Poor Chanyeol has to deal with you 247

  
**Realpcy:**  
Ikr I'm suffering currently

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You both can remove yourself because seriously  
This is all your bfs fault Sehun

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I followed the INSTRUCTIONS  
YOU SEEN ME DOING IT TOO

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Maybe you just can't read and that's where you got it all fucked up

  
**Kingjongin:**  
If you had this little trust in me from the beginning why would you even let me

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Because out of all of us, you dyed your hair the most so I assumed you knew what you were doing

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Um I exist

  
**Baekyawn:**  
The only colors you had you were blond, brown and black bye  
Jongin has had brown, blond, black, silver, red and EVEN pink

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Exactly I have enough experience than our friends so I'm offended youre taking everything out on me

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Because you're the one that MESSED UP MY HAIR

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Then why didn't you just go to the salon?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Because why would I pay like 100$ at a salon rather than a 20$ boxed hair dye

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
TF 100$??? Your hair isn't even long

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Because they'd have to bleach my hair to do it the shade of red I want

  
**Kingjongin:**  
And I bleached your hair just fine  
It just messed up when I put the red dye in it

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You mean PINK dye???

  
**Kingjongin:**  
LOOK FINE THIS IS THE FIRST AND LAST TIME I'M EVER DOING YOUR HAIR

  
**Baekyawn:**  
YEAH IT IS. I HAVE NO DISAGREEMENTS THERE

  
**Realpcy:**  
Can't you just buy another red dye?? The color of your hair now is light enough for it to work

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Stay out of it Park

  
**Realpcy:**  
IM TRYING TO HELP

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WELL DONT

  
**Realpcy:**  
YOU KNOW  
YOU BITCH WHEN I HELP AND YOUD BITCH IF I DONT  
I CAN NEVER WIN WITH YOUR ASS

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Imagine having a relationship that messy  
Lol can't relate

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Lol!!!!! Kill yourself!!!!

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Just do what Chanyeol had said. Buy a red hair dye and do it yourself then. There, problem solved.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I'm scared my hair is gonna fall out  
I already bleached it and then dyed it again to get this cotton candy colored hair

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I'm sure you'll be fine

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You KNOW  
Your hair used to be silver with yellow roots  
I should've known you would fuck up my hair

  
**Luhandjob:**  
You really don't look bad  
I just looked at the pic and it's decent

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Its FRUITY

  
**Kingjongin:**  
OFFENSIVE  
I had pink hair before

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Ok and that's YOU

  
**Realpcy:**  
Why are you so dramatic about a damn hair color baek

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You're seriously still not done??

 

 **Realpcy:**  
Im just saying  
Me, min and lu just said it looks fine  
You're exaggerating as usual

  
**Baekyawn:**  
How is it exaggerating if I don't like MY OWN HAIR COLOR

  
**Realpcy:**  
Because you're acting like it's permanent and you can never dye it back ever again  
That's why

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I AM gonna have to wait like 6-7 weeks to dye it again  
So fuck OFF

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Says who

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Google obviously

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Coming from someone who has dyed their hair more times than all of you combined  
You can just dye it red rn and it'll be fine

  
**Baekyawn:**  
YOU ALREADY FUCKED UP MY HAIR COLOR  
I DONT NEED YOU DAMAGING MY HAIR ON TOP OF IT

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You're acting like I said you need to bleach it again  
Now that's a whole different story because it'll really get damaged

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I don't care for what you have to say anymore  
Your experience in hair is a LIE 

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
So it looks like you either keep the color or risk losing your hair. Which one will it be.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Wow Soo  
You sound so concerned for me I'm touched stop it

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Because you're acting like the world is ending over a messed up hair color.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Okay so you're telling me if you had pink hair instead of the actual color you wanted, you wouldn't flip out????

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
No, because I'm not dumb enough to trust any of you with my hair.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
FUCK YOU  
I WOULDNT WANT TO DO YOUR HAIR ANYWAYS


	26. XXVI

**Realpcy:**  
If you guys had to pick a couch, which one would it be

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Be more specific headass

  
**Realpcy:**  
Would you get a leather couch or a regular one instead  
I don't need your smart ass remarks or stories  
Just a simple answer

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Honestly who even likes leather  
It's too cold to sit on during winter and too sticky to sit on during summer

  
**Realpcy:**  
Okay so either you can't comprehend or you just like pissing people off

  
**Luhandjob:**  
I GAVE YOU AN OBVIOUS ENOUGH ANSWER

  
**Realpcy:**  
How hard is 'leather sucks. Regular one is better' to write???

  
**Luhandjob:**  
You know this is why this gc is useless when it comes to helping  
Because when we do YOU ALL JUST BITCH ANYWAYS

  
**Realpcy:**  
Fine fine ok thanks or whatever

  
**Junmoney:**  
Why are you asking anyways?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Me and Baek are shopping for a new one  
Our old one needs to be thrown out

  
**Baekyawn:**  
DUE TO OLD USAGE!!! SO DONT YOU ALL JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS ON BC ITS ''''STAINED'''' OR SOMETHING

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Well I can assure you we weren't thinking of that but thanks for the heads up

  
**Junmoney:**  
Aw, shopping for new couches together. Such a domestic feeling.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Its a shame you couldn't of done the same with Yifan :(

  
**Junmoney:**  
Well, I see you're still continuing with the Yifan jokes. That's nice.

  
**Huzitao:**  
What??? It's true  
You and Yifan have been married for like 3 full years before he called it quits smh

  
**Wuyifan:**  
We were never married for the last fucking time you fucking illiterate little fucking fucker

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Dismissing jun like that must be so offensive for him

  
**Junmoney:**  
It's not like he's lying. We weren't married.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Bet you wanted to get married though

  
**Junmoney:**  
I honestly don't see how that concern you.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
OH NY GOD  
HE WANTED TO GET MARRIED TO YIFAN  
THATS SO SAD MT HEART IS BROKEN FOR YOU JUN

  
**Realpcy:**  
Ok we can discuss juns feelings AFTER you all help me decide on a couch

  
**Luhandjob:**  
I already gave you an answer  
There problem solved???

  
**Realpcy:**  
Wow  
As IMPORTANT!!!! as your answer is compared to everyone else's apparently  
I still wanna ask the others in case

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Leather  
I sadly somehow know you two go at it like jackrabbits on the couch so if you get leather, it would be easier.....to clean

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You have a point there  
But leather sucks in general so no

  
**Realpcy:**  
Leather is better in every way

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Objection

  
**Minsucc:**  
Honestly  
I don't think anybody likes leather couches??

  
**Realpcy:**  
UM try again bc I do???  
And if NOBODY did, they wouldn't be selling them now would they

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Watch that attitude buddy

  
**Baekyawn:**  
So ha!!! That's already 2 answers for the regular couch  
Well 3 if you include me

  
**Realpcy:**  
And we still need 8 more answers so relax

  
**Huzitao:**  
Leather for sure

  
**Realpcy:**  
I always knew you were my favorite :)

  
**Huzitao:**  
Said you, NEVER

  
**Realpcy:**  
I just said it right NOW  
Anyways not important  
Anybody else??? We're kind of just standing in the middle of the shop like idiots

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Shouldn't you be sitting on the couches? Trying them out since it's YOUR choice, not ours?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Baek said we're gonna do that after we decide on a certain type of couch

  
**Luhandjob:**  
And you listened like a lil BITCH

  
**Realpcy:**  
Bet you wish you had someone to shop for couches with

  
**Luhandjob:**  
This is offensive to Jun and all the other ex couples that have never made it to the 'moving in together' stage

  
**Wuyifan:**  
I swear you live and breathe off talking about me and juns past relationship

  
**Luhandjob:**  
I'm sorry I'm concerned about my ex parents

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Oh here's another shocking fact!!!!  
We also were never parents to begin with either you dumb fuck

  
**Realpcy:**  
OH WAIT time out!!!   
Good you're on Yifan  
Which couch is better regular or leather

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Leather

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Of COURSE he'd choose what you like smh

  
**Realpcy:**  
Yifan has his own opinion and mind bye  
Don't even go there

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Not when it comes to you

  
**Wuyifan:**  
What's it with you when it comes to me and yeol  
You get all defensive and shit chill

 

**Baekyawn:**  
I just sometimes question your friendship is all

  
**Realpcy:**  
Are you seriously saying you don't TRUST me??

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I'm SAYING blindly falling in love with your best friend is LIKELY  
Especially when you're like  
100% gay

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Well then I guess luckily for YOU I'M only 50% gay huh??

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Ok but how is that supposed to stop you from falling in love with your friend wtf

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Don't you even dare start Sehun

  
**Luhandjob:**  
See? Acting like a parent scolding their child :')

  
**Wuyifan:**  
K  
As fun as it was talking to you all  
I'm getting off

  
**Huzitao:**  
Aw why so soon?  
You just got on

  
**Junmoney:**  
Just let him be, Zitao.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Don't you just love it when our parents stick up for one another?? #yifanmyeonis2real

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Yep that's it  
Im losing too many brain cells im gone bye

  
_Wuyifan has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Have you two decided on a couch yet?

  
**Realpcy:**  
No  
Now Baekhyun is acting salty

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Nobody even says salty anymore wtf you're ugly

  
**Realpcy:**  
Then I guess that makes me nobody bc here I am, STILL saying it

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
How you and Baek are managing to last so long together is truly a miracle

  
**Realpcy:**  
I'd usually find offense in this bc fuck you but you're also right  
So fuck you

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Just get regular and leather  
That way you'll both be happy?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Um do you realize how tacky that'll look?  
I'll pass but thanks for the option. I guess

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Its called comprising with one another

  
**Realpcy:**  
Its called not wanting our living room looking mismatched 

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Then you know what? get neither  
I'm not high enough for this pointless debate ffs

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so in the end, baekyeol left the store with neither couch. Sad story *insert 100 broken heart emojis here*


	27. XXVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Suhooosin for giving me this idea on this!!!

**Jongdaeddy:**  
Ive got some juicy details that you all would wanna hear  
Especially you yifan

  
**Oohsehun:**  
If this is about you walking in on me in the bathroom in my own house  
It's not FUNNY ANYMORE NOR WAS IT EVER FUNNY

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Are you kidding me??  
You got so scared, I think you legit ended up shitting out your own heart that day

  
**Oohsehun:**  
If I did then how the fuck am I still alive

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Maybe you're your doppelganger

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Seriously kill yourself

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Lol anyways  
Yifan get your ass online  
You're gonna wanna hear this seriously!!

  
**Wuyifan:**  
What is it  
I'm busy

  
**Huzitao:**  
I'm sure jerking off can wait

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Only 1 sec on and I already have tao on my dick  
I'm getting off

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
NO NO WAIT  
SERIOUSLY STAY. FUCKING STAY ON

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Maybe if you get to the fucking point already we wouldn't have to worry about him getting off

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Okay funny how you know as well but I don't see you telling anyone yet

  
**Realpcy:**  
That's because you told me and Baek to keep our mouths shut since you wanted to be the one to tell everyone

  
**Luhandjob:**  
I'm offended and feel left out??

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Well fear no more bc I'm gonna say it  
But just in case, Yifan are you still on

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Just hurry it up

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Okay drum rolls people cause this is gonna shock you all like it had shocked me

  
**Baekyawn:**  
JONGDAE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I WILL SAY IT

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
OKAY BUT I GOTTA HYPE EVERYONE UP  
GET THE BALL ROLLING

  
**Baekyawn:**  
No what you're doing is frustrating me and getting Yifan that much closer to staying off

  
**Wuyifan:**  
^ this is true

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Well maybe if he just STOOD ON FOR MORE THAN 2 SECONDS I WOULDNT HAVE TO HURRY WITH HIS BITCH ASS CONSTANTLY NOT RESPONDING

  
**Realpcy:**  
For fucks sake  
Yifan we seen Jun on a date

  
**Huzitao:**  
You seen Yifan and Jun on a date??

  
**Realpcy:**  
No no  
Me Baek and Dae seen Jun on a date with some man idk his name

  
**Wuyifan:**  
...uh?

  
**Huzitao:**  
WAIT WAIT  
JUN WAS ACTUALLY ON A DATE???  
AND YIFAN WASNT INVOLVED???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lmao you guys are lying  
There's no way in hell

  
**Wuyifan:**  
I agree with Sehun here  
Jun would never

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Oh believe me  
I seen it with my own two eyes  
So maybe you should stop being so cocky

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Or maybe he just secretly wishes it wasnt true

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Why would I wish for that  
I obviously know you all are tryna get a reaction out of me

  
**Realpcy:**  
Nah bro it is true

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Somebody tell Jun to get on

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
He won't listen bc he's probably too busy with his new man ;))

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Jongdae shut up

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Lol why do you want him to shut up??  
How suspicious of you

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Bc Yifan is jealous  
I always knew my parents were secretly in love with each other

  
**Huzitao:**  
Well Juns really wasn't a secret  
But turns out his was all an ACT if he was out on a date??

  
**Wuyifan:**  
We don't know shit until Jun confirms it

  
**Luhandjob:**  
You seem really keen on this being a lie huh

  
**Wuyifan:**  
I just want facts since you all like to play too much

  
**Huzitao:**  
Jun!!! Come online I know you're reading this  
Tell your new man he can wait for the goods

  
**Jongdaeddy** :  
Uh oh don't say that around Yifan  
You'll get him more triggered

  
**Junmoney:**  
Okay, I'm on. What's up?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Is it true you went on a date???  
WITHOUT Yifan???

  
**Junmoney:**  
Yeah. Two actually.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Same guy??

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Obviously. He's not you Baekhyun

  
**Baekyawn:**  
YALL CAN KEEP BRINGING UP MY HOE PAST BUT I'VE BEEN FAITHFUL TO CHANYEOL EVER SINCE. FUCK!!! OFF!!!

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Why jun

  
**Junmoney:**  
Why what?

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Whyd you gonna on a date...

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
OOH I FEEL THE TENSION  
SHOULD WE ALL LEAVE???  
GIVE YOU TWO SOME PRIVATE TIME??

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Thats not necessary  
Kind of like how Jun going on that date was unnecessary

  
**Junmoney:**  
You can't tell me what's necessary and what's not, Yifan.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Exactly he had lost that privilege years ago

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Am I experiencing a lovers quarrel???  
My poor heart

  
**Wuyifan:**  
There's no ''lovers quarrel'' relax  
I just really want to know why Jun had went on not 1 date but 2

 

 **Huzitao:**  
But why does that concern you?

  
**Wuyifan:**  
You all want to know everything about each other on this chat as well and suddenly the day I do, you all tag team me

  
**Huzitao:**  
I'm just honestly curious on why Jun out of EVERYONE

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
J E A L O U S

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Say jealous one more time and see if I don't kill you

  
**Junmoney:**  
To answer your question, the reason I went on two dates was because I feel like it was time to move on.

  
**Wuyifan:**  
It took you like 3 years to move on  
Why NOW

  
**Junmoney:**  
I experienced heartbreak and love. It was all a work in progress.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Is this gonna be the end of my parents officially???

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I mean the world must be ending because Yifan sounds a bit jealous. Mad, even.

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Come on soo not you too  
You were like the only one I could stand on this chat

  
**Oohsehun:**  
If yix was on he'd find offense  
But ofc you didn't notice bc you're too busy being jealous over juns date

  
**Wuyifan:**  
I'M NOT JEALOUS IM JUST CURIOUS FFS

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Well then  
If you don't mind me asking since you're curious, how was the date jun

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Nobody cares how it went

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
And why not :^)

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Because we just don't

  
**Huzitao:**  
Speak for yourself!!!  
I wanna know all about the man that has somehow captured juns heart

  
**Wuyifan:**  
You already know all about him since I'm him

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Cringe. That really sounded like a pick up line. If you're trying not to seem jealous, Yifan, it's not working at all.

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Maybe bc what I just said is true???  
Jun still loves me  
I mean now THAT much is obvious

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Or you just want it to be true bc you're JEALOUUUSSSS

  
_Wuyifan has removed Jongdaeddy from the chat._

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Well then it all comes down to your answer jun  
Does Yifan '''still have your heart captured''''

  
**Junmoney:**  
Do I really need to say it?

  
**Wuyifan:**  
Yes

  
**Luhandjob:**  
YES  
I need to know if this is OFFICIALLY the end of yifanmyeon  <///3

  
**Junmoney:**  
Yes. As of right now, Yifan still has my heart.

  
**Wuyifan:**  
BOO FUCKING YAAAHHHH  
I TOLD YOU ALL  
JUN CAN GO ON AS MANY POINTLESS DATES AS HE WANTS BUT I'M STILL APPARENTLY GONNA BE #1

  
 **Kyungsoo:**  
Not caring or not jealous, are we?

  
**Wuyifan:**  
I mean um yeah sure cool k whatever not like I ACTUALLY care  
Everything I said earlier was all just for show obviously


	28. XXVIII

**Realpcy:**  
I need inspiration

  
**Oohsehun:**  
For what

  
**Realpcy:**  
This song I'm working on

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You aren't famous???

  
**Realpcy:**  
Do I have to be to write a song.....?

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Obviously because then what's the point  
No ones gonna hear it

  
**Realpcy:**  
Ok  
That's like saying why do dance if you aren't going to perform it in front of thousands of people so

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I already have an audience and he's the greatest

  
**Kingjongin:**  
;)

  
**Huzitao:**  
I think I threw up a little

  
**Realpcy:**  
....my point exactly  
You're only dancing for someone insignificant

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Damn i can't believe you just talked me down

  
**Realpcy:**  
LOOK YOUR BF IS THE ONE INSULTING ME FOR WANTING TO WRITE SONGS

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
You lack creativity regardless  
It'd be a miracle if you actually got inspired by something

  
**Realpcy:**  
I actually do dipshit  
But today I'm just not feeling it

  
**Minsucc:**  
What do you usually do to find inspiration

  
**Realpcy:**  
Walk around  
Buy some coffee and redbull to keep my ass awake at ungodly hours

  
**Oohsehun:**  
See?  
For WHAT? Risking sleep for a song that'll never be heard by anyone but Baek

  
**Baekyawn:**  
What are you talking about  
He doesn't even SHOW me the songs, let alone let me listen to them

  
**Realpcy:**  
I already told you when they're complete I will let you

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Its been 2 months

  
**Realpcy:**  
Songwriters block is a real bitch  
Writing a masterpiece takes TIME

  
**Zhangyix:**  
What are you writing about?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Well love obviously

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
A possible love triangle??  
BC if so, Yifan and Jun are the mans for you

  
**Junmoney:**  
What the hell are you talking about?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Why would /I/ even write a song about a love triangle

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I mean cause duh juns new man loves Jun but Jun still loves Yifan

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Where are you even going with this  
Then that'd mean Yifan loves juns new bf

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
OK so maybe not a love triangle  
But still you get the idea

  
**Realpcy:**  
No Jongdae  
I don't

  
**Huzitao:**  
Wait wait  
What is the name of juns new bf

  
**Junmoney:**  
We're not exactly dating yet but his name is Minho.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Who the fuck is minho

  
**Junmoney:**  
Some coworker from my job. You all don't know him.

  
**Minsucc:**  
But with the way you guys are going I'm sure we'll meet him soon ;)))

  
**Realpcy:**  
This isn't giving me any inspiration  
I hope you all know that

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Uh oh watch it babe  
You're gonna get Yifan all jealous again

  
**Baekyawn:**  
And you're gonna get Yifan removing you again lmao

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I guess that just goes to show I'm right and he's jealous AS! FUCK!

  
**Huzitao:**  
Send a pic of him

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Of Yifan jealous....?

  
**Huzitao:**  
No wtf  
Of that minho guy jun

  
**Junmoney:**  
Why would I do that?

  
**Realpcy:**  
Exactly  
Why would Jun do that when you all should be helping me get inspired

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Chanyeol shut up

  
**Huzitao:**  
BC duh jun  
This is the ultimate test  
Yknow see if you downgraded or not

  
**Junmoney:**  
Looks aren't everything, Tao.

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
So minhos ugly isn't he kskfghds

  
**Junmoney:**  
No? He's really good looking and a sweetheart. I just don't need you all telling me if I downgraded based on looks.

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMAO JUN SNAPPED

  
**Huzitao:**  
Just send the damn pic Jun  
Always gotta get so deep for no reason smh

  
**Minsucc:**  
Well ugly or not  
Im glad you finally got yourself a sweetheart jun

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Lmao the shade towards Yifan is real

  
**Realpcy:**  
You know what would be even sweeter?  
If you all just dropped this topic and helped ME out instead

  
**Oohsehun:**  
YOU need to drop it

  
**Realpcy:**  
I'm the one that even STARTED this conversation asking for help

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Are you all just that airheaded? Nobody helps in this chat. N O B O D Y.

  
**Junmoney:**  
Thanks Minseok.

  
**Huzitao:**  
So.....  
Are you gonna send the pics or not. I don't have all day

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Ew gross  
You sound like a teenage fuck boy waiting for nudes

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Can you not use the word fuck boy its so cringe

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Fine  
Is womanizer better???

  
**Zhangyix:**  
Sure thing

  
**Junmoney:**  
Zitao, no.

 

 **Huzitao:**  
See  
You denying me to see it makes me suspicious on his looks

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Or maybe Jun doesn't want Yifan seeing his new competition

  
**Junmoney:**  
If I show you a damn pic, will you shut up then?

  
**Realpcy:**  
You know what will get me to shut up??!

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Let me guess. Someone helping you out with your song

  
**Realpcy:**  
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT  
SO CAN SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME WITH FINDING INSPIRATION

  
**Huzitao:**  
YESSS JUN I WILL SHUT UP  
Well that's after I rate him of course

  
**Junmoney:**  
Zitao.

  
**Huzitao:**  
KIDDING KIDDING  
WELL NOT REALLY  
BUT HURRY SEND IT

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Lol Yifan youre gonna wanna come on for this one as well!!!

  
**Junmoney:**  


  
**Huzitao:**  
He's no Yifan but I APPROVE

  
**Baekyawn:**  
TF YOU MEAN '''HES NO YIFAN'''  
THIS DUDE IS HOT AS FUCK

  
**Luhandjob:**  
TBHHH

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Lol I think you just found yourself some inspiration Chanyeol  
See now you got yourself your own love triangle  
You love Baek but Baek seems to have eyes for minho

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Again that literally makes no sense bc that'd mean minho likes Chanyeol but guess what  
He doesn't even like Chanyeol. Let alone KNOW him

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU  
ALWAYS TALKING SHIT. GET HIT

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Lol well I approve as well but there's one person's opinion I'm keen on knowing...  
YIFAN  
Penny for your thoughts??

  
_Wuyifan has removed Luhandjob from the chat._

  
**Realpcy:**  
And yet I still remain with no inspiration whatsoever

  
_Oohsehun has removed Realpcy from the chat._


	29. XXIX

**Kingjongin:**  
I screwed up my interview big time

  
**Baekyawn:**  
What was the interview for

  
**Kingjongin:**  
A new job

  
**Oohsehun:**  
We live together yet I didn't even know about this wtf??

  
**Realpcy:**  
Wow  
Wasn't it Jongin telling me and Baek a long time ago about how communication was KEY?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
It NEVER crossed my mind until now  
I was late so I had no time to talk to Sehun about it

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I actually snorted  
I'm sure you had plenty of time

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Are you implying I didn't purposely tell sehun

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Hey you said it not me

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Why the hell would I hide the fact about me possibly getting a job from Sehun?  
There's like no logic behind it  
I really forgot

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Its okay babe  
I believe you

  
**Huzitao:**  
Whipped

  
**Oohsehun:**  
And you have no one to be whipped for  
Goodbye

  
**Junmoney:**  
How'd you screw up your interview?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I was answering with all professional responses right  
And then the interviewer asked me if I had any kids or if I was still in school  
if not, when will I be able to start work

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Please tell me you didn't bring up your dog

  
**Kingjongin:**  
You have no say in this!!! You would've done the same

  
**Huzitao:**  
So what?  
You told her your dogs were your kids?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I got excited and even took out my phone to SHOW HER PICS OF THEM  
She looked so uncomfortable  
I'm so stupid oh my god

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Not surprising.

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I need all the support I can get so can you NOT pick on me today

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Are you really asking me that?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
UGH  
WHAT AM I GONNA DO

  
**Junmoney:**  
What happened after you showed her the pictures?

  
**Kingjongin:**  
She had this strained smile on her face and said 'OK I'll give you a call'  
But the look on her face clearly said SIKE

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You have to look at the silver lining

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Okay Chanyeol 2.0 there's no possible silver lining in this situation

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Yes there is  
At least you didn't say your '''kids''' needed babysitting while you work or whatever  
Then she'd really think you're insane

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I COOD over my dogs in front of my possible future boss  
I explained how old they are and what kind of breed they are  
I fucked it all UP

  
**Minsucc:**  
At least your kids would be happy their father is proud of them

  
**Kingjongin:**  
:(

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Well she DID say she'll give you a call back

  
**Kingjongin:**  
BUT isn't that like an automatic response after every interview?

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Yeah that's true  
You're probably screwed sorry

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Please stop texting  
I don't need the reminders  
Oh God I'm still dying from embarrassment

  
**Huzitao:**  
She probably thinks youre one of those lonely guys who takes the quote 'a dog is a man's best friend' literal

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Or in Jongin's case 'a man's son'

  
**Kingjongin:**  
CAN YOU TWO STOP

  
**Luhandjob:**  
I actually got secondhand embarrassment for you

  
**Minsucc:**  
It's cute though  
Jongin really cares for his dogs

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
Yeah, so much to the point he'll fuck up his chances of getting a better job.

  
**Minsucc:**  
Well despite that part ofc

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Can I ask you all a genuine question

  
**Realpcy:**  
Shoot

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Do you find pleasure in making someone's life more miserable than what it is on shitty days like today

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
I would say no but then you'd accuse me of lying.

  
**Huzitao:**  
Depends on how severely upset they are

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Should've expected that answer from you two

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Do you want some hot coco for when you come home? :(

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Yes please :((

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Well at least someone is being considerate of your feelings

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Don't you feel TERRIBLE that my bf is the only one being nice?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
NO  
Bc in a few hours you'll go back to being mean again too

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Im rarely ever mean actually

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
The only time you actually explode is like if someone makes fun of Sehun

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Truth

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Sehun is too sweet to be picked on

  
**Realpcy:**  
YEAH FUCKING RIGHT  
HES A GODDAMN BRAT

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You make me into one??

  
**Realpcy:**  
I can literally JUST say hi and you'd reply with 'ugh you're on? Bye'

 

 **Oohsehun:**  
Okay I'm not denying this  
But most of the time you provoke me

  
**Realpcy:**  
Because you provoke ME as well???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Well clearly someone starts it or else we wouldn't be fighting in the first place

  
**Realpcy:**  
CLEARLY  
But it's not me

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Neither is it me? So??

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Its both of you  
You both start it at the same exact time now shut up

  
**Oohsehun:**  
You shut up you're irrelevant to this discussion

  
**Huzitao:**  
A '''discussion''' that'll soon turn into a fight

  
**Oohsehun:**  
No wait  
It's YOU that provokes me as well

  
**Realpcy:**  
Exhibit A on who starts the arguments ^

  
**Oohsehun:**  
I wasn't STARTING I WAS JUST STATING FACTS

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
So anyways  
Make sure you keep us updated about that job Jongin lmaoo

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Something tells me you're mocking me  
SO NO FUCK YOU  
I WON'T KEEP YOUR NOSEY ASS UPDATED

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert: sadly Jongin didn't get the job


	30. XXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so long overdue and it's like I have no excuse other than I just couldn't get my ass to sit down and write it lol sorrycksn ((but in the end notes there's more explanation))

**Luhandjob:**  
Code red  
911  
HELP

  
**Oohsehun:**  
We're not the police  
Try again

  
**Luhandjob:**  
IDC LISTEN  
I KIND OF SORT OF accidentally liked a pic that was posted 85 weeks ago on ig???

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Of who

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Hyuna

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Oh the girl that's like totally out of your league??? Lol

  
**Luhandjob:**  
shut the fuck up???  
I didn't ask for your input???

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Wrong you said HELP so you technically did

  
**Huzitao:**  
Wait hyuna the one that like every guy had a crush on in high school??

  
**Luhandjob:**  
The one and only

  
**Huzitao:**  
Dude why were you stalking her ig anyways

  
**Luhandjob:**  
OK I think the question is who WOULDN'T

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
And now look at where that got you, dumb ass.

  
**Realpcy:**  
Imagine having an unrequited love over someone  
Lol can't relate

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Honestly  
Your relationship is soon to burn out  
You and Baek are toxic

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Hey asshole at least we know our feelings are mutual  
Jun over here wants two guys at once  
Like I'm sure Yifan and Minho aren't up for that polygamy shit

  
**Junmoney:**  
Why do you feel the need to drag me into this?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
But am I wrong??

  
**Junmoney:**  
Yes because when did I ever say I wanted a polygamy relationship?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You like two guys at the same time yet you don't want to let them go either  
Pretty obvious you want a polygamy relationship

  
**Junmoney:**  
Honestly, stop texting.

  
**Luhandjob:**  
OH MY GOD I THKNK SHES ONLINE

  
**Minsucc:**  
How do you know someone's online on ig

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Because she just liked a picture one minute ago

 

 **Huzitao:**  
Oh so you follow her as well???

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Ive been.  
Since like yesterday,,,  
But that's not important

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Did she follow back

  
**Luhandjob:**  
..,,,,that's not important

  
**Oohsehun:**  
SJJFKSKKD  
FIRST NO FOLLOW BACK AND THEN YOU LIKE AN OLD ASS PIC  
RIP TO YOU MAN

  
**Luhandjob:**  
SHUT UP  
IM CONFUSED ON WHAY TO DO CAUSE IF I UNLIKE SHELL KNOW I HAD ACCIDENTALLY LIKED IT AND I WAS STALKING  
BUT ME LIKING IT IN GENERAL JUST SHOWS I WAS STALKING REGARDLESS LIKE  
WHY DOES IG HATE ME

  
**Oohsehun:**  
More like why does hyuna hate you

  
**Luhandjob:**  
I hope Jongin's dick falls off

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Wtf do I have to do with ANYTHING??  
No scratch that  
What does my dick have to do with anything???

  
**Luhandjob:**  
My life is in shambles  
I'm going to be too embarrassed to even like or post anything on ig for a while

  
**Huzitao:**  
Oh thank god  
My homepage was always so fucking clustered because you never know just when the fuck to stop posting

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Really???? Thats rich coming from YOU seeing as you always post pics of your fucking watches and necklaces

  
**Huzitao:**  
At least that's better than you posting videos of you playing soccer and you didn't even make a fucking goal in once smh

  
**Luhandjob:**  
It was like a 20 sec video  
I was killing it before they recorded me  
you wouldn't know now would you

  
**Huzitao:**  
Guess not but I do guess you live off on the embarrassment since you post non goalie videos and liking girls pics that don't even know you exist

  
**Luhandjob:**  
DO YOU WANNA FUCKING GO???  
I'LL GET HYUNA TO FOLLOW ME AND I'LL MAKE A GOALIE NEXT VIDEO

  
**Realpcy:**  
Please don't  
Like Zitao had just said  
You post way too much  
We get it  
You can't play soccer now move on

  
**Luhandjob:**  
MINSEOK  
WE PLAY SOCCER TOGETHER SOMETIMES  
TELL THEM HOW I ALWAYS WHOOP YOUR ASS

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Um excuse ME???  
YOU'RE NOT WHIPPING ANYONE'S ASS  
KEEP YOUR DIRTY HANDS TO YOURSELF

  
**Luhandjob:**  
NOT LITERAL YOU FUCKING DUMB ASS  
ITS A FIGURE OF SPEECH

  
**Minsucc:**  
Why would I willingly want to tell someone you beat me at soccer???

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Maybe because ITS TRUE????? THATS WHY???

  
**Minsucc:**  
Objection

  
**Realpcy:**  
Lol don't you love how luhan came on here crying cause he liked hyunas pic  
And now we're all bashing his soccer skills

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Greatest friends ever  
Really  
10/10

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Well I'm up for that bet about hyuna following you  
She has like what?? 10k followers and only follows 100  
Why would she even WANT to follow you  
Like what is she getting out of that

 

 **Luhandjob:**  
Flawless pics of me and my outstanding soccer skills what else???

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Well then you better delete that video of you not making a goalie if you want to somehow impress her  
Highly doubt you will but still  
A heads up

  
**Luhandjob:**  
You don't even have ig wtf???

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Yeah but I got me a man :^)

  
**Minsucc:**  
:**

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Literally what the fuck does that have to do with you not having any ig

  
**Realpcy:**  
I think he means he doesn't need an ig to be thirsty and stalk girls you won't ever date bc he already got someone

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Wow I was sure that would've went over your head Chanyeol  
I'm impressed you got the implication behind it

 **Realpcy:**  
Fuck you

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
No thanks

  
**Luhandjob:**  
You know what? I'm just gonna dm her

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Dms is for twitter smart ass

  
**Luhandjob:**  
INBOX FUCK OFF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

  
**Oohsehun:**  
And tell her what? You were stalking her bc you still can't seem to get over your little hs infatuation with her???

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Yeah sure  
And I'll also ask for her hand in marriage while I'm at it!!!!  
Ofc I'm not gonna tell her that you idiot

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Says the idiot who can't even make a goalie and you're supposed to be a soccer enthusiast  
Says the idiot who had liked a girls photo when she doesn't even know him

  
**Huzitao:**  
LMAOOOO LUHAN IS TRIGGERED

  
**Luhandjob:**  
And this is why I sincerely hope your dick falls off Jongin

  
**Kingjongin:**  
At least I'll still have my pride ;)

  
**Realpcy:**  
JSOFMCKJDFJJS

  
**Zhangyix:**  
So what's going on  
Did you inbox her yet

  
**Luhandjob:**  
No

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LMAOOOOLMAOOOOO  
SHE IGNKRED YOU DIDNT SHE

  
**Luhandjob:**  
How do you get that from a simple no???  
A simple n and o

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Because you're so damn obvious even through text

  
**Realpcy:**  
Is she single

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Why does that concern you

  
**Realpcy:**  
Shh babe I got this  
Is she single luhan

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Idk???  
She posts pic of this guy from time to time and they seem too close for comfort

  
**Realpcy:**  
Send her this link  
<https://youtu.be/Wmjpp0_6kb0>

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Really  
You all are a bunch of fucking little childish brats

  
**Minsucc:**  
Yet I'm older than you

  
**Luhandjob:**  
STILL A DAMN BRAT

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
And that's why hyuna ignored YOUR thirsty ass at the end of the day  
So who's the real winners here???  
Us

  
**Huzitao:**  
You can say that again!!!

  
_Luhandjob has removed Jongdaeddy, Kingjongin, Oohsehun, Realpcy, Huzitao, Baekyawn, Zhangyix, Minsucc, Junmoney and Wuyifan from the chat._

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
What the hell did Yifan even do? He wasn't even ONLINE? I don't get it?

  
**Luhandjob:**  
And here I was thinking you'd appreciate me for not removing you only wow  
Forget it

  
_Luhandjob has removed Kyungsoo from the chat._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is marked completed BUT it's still open!!! (If that's the word for it??) Like if I ever get in the mood to write a funny chapter from time to time, I'll add it onto this fic, get me? I originally was going to let it continue for like another ten chaps or so but I just feel like I'm dragging it out and I don't want the humor to feel forced so yeah I'm sorry!!! But quickly I wanna thank you all so much for all the love this fic has gotten omg?!? All the sweet sweet comments, nearly 500 kudos and 7.5k reads I'm actually?!? Seriously thank youuuu ily guys <333


	31. XXXI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter probably wasn't even worth the wait but FINALLY I wrote one I actually stuck with  
> I know I'm like 2/3 weeks late with koko bop era (aka baeks hair) but i just had to. I still love his cute ass though so I'm sorry for all the roasting I did in this chap cjsjcj

**Oohsehun:**  
Have you guys seen baeks ig lately

  
**Huzitao:**  
Why would we

  
**Luhandjob:**  
No his ig isn't interesting enough for me to care about

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Okay with your try hard soccer videos and still not getting a follow back from hyuna having ass

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Listen  
HOW ABOUT  
YOU WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Ok anyways if you guys thought baekhyuns pink hair was ugly you're gonna LAUGH when I show you his new hair

  
**Realpcy:**  
Actually nobody thought his pink hair was ugly  
Only he did

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Irrelevant  
ANYWAYS HERE IT IS LNAO  


  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
I'm calling the police

  
**Minsucc:**  
It's...nice

  
**Oohsehun:**  
LSJAICISIB LIE AGAIN  
OH MY GOD

  
**Huzitao:**  
Billy Cyrus just called  
Said something about wanting his hairstyle back

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Oh GROW UP  
THAT JOKE IS SO FUCKING WEAK TOO, IM YAWNING

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Can you imagine someone actually LIKING that hairstyle

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I DO  
BeCAUSE ITS NOT A BAD HAIRDO  
LIKE AT FIRST YA I WAS HORRIFIED  
BUT I THINK I CAN PULL JT OFF

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I think the pink was better

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Of course YOU would  
You're the one that fucked up my hair to begin with

  
**Kingjongin:**  
I REALLY don't think you should be talking about me fucking your hair up when you have a MULLET in 2017

  
**Baekyawn:**  
But WHATS SO BAD ABOHT IT  
EVERYONE BRINGS SOMETNING BACK FROM THE 80s ALL THE TIME  
WHETHER ITS OLD SONGS OR FASHION  
WE ALL DO IT

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Yeah FASHIONABLE STUFF  
Mullets aren't in style and they never will be again  
It's a reason it died in 1980 or whatever

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Okay well it's gonna be ME bringing this iconic hairstyle back

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
You said you were horrified at first. How come you got this hairstyle then?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
I wanted something old something funky  
That's the exact words I told the stylist and they did this

  
**Luhandjob:**  
A lawsuit would've been filed by now if it were me

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Yeah because YOU can't pull this off

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Neither can you??  
Like where are you tryna go with this really

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You know you all can secretly judge me but you all had tragic hairstyles once too

  
**Realpcy:**  
But ours was in the PAST thankfully  
And I'll have you know I didn't have one bad hairstyle

  
**Baekyawn:**  
So you're just gonna act like this didn't exist huh  


  
**Realpcy:**  
Ponytails were IN during that time  
I was apart of a TREND unlike YOU  
I'm not even mad

  
**Kyungsoo:**  
So you're a follower, is what you're saying.

  
**Baekyawn:**  
This is exactly why I shut you out chanyeol  
You're my boyfriend  
HYPE ME UP DAMMIT

  
**Realpcy:**  
You just insulted ME for my old hairstyle

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Because YOU STARTED IT

  
**Realpcy:**  
BECAUSE AM I WRONG??? NO

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
Really??? You guys are doing this rn???

  
**Oohsehun:**  
Before it can be brought up with pics bc baekhyun is THAT petty  
My rainbow hair (still) looked better than his mullet

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Shut up your boyfriend used to wear fake braids

  
**Huzitao:**  
Omg  
I need this pic  
For science of course

  
**Baekyawn:**  


  
**Kingjongin:**  
HOW THE HELL DID TOU FIND THIS PIC

  
**Baekyawn:**  
It was at your showcase :)  
Saved it because I just KNEW one of these days it'd be worth something

  
**Huzitao:**  
Wait stop  
Somehow it's still better looking than your mullet

  
**Baekyawn:**  


  
**Huzitao:**  
The color may be a bit too wild but.....  
Still better looking than your mullet x2

  
**Baekyawn:**  
NOBODY with that bright ass blue hair can tell me what's better when it comes to hair

  
**Huzitao:**  
Hair colors aren't as tragic as ugly ass hairstyles  
Take you for example

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Why do you ALLL FEEL THE NEED TO ATTACK ME WHEN IM JUST TRYNA LOVE MYSELF

  
**Junmoney:**  
Maybe it's because you're bringing everyone down that had bad hairstyles as well?

  
**Baekyawn:**  
LIES  
I HAVENT MADE FUN OF YIX, MINSEOK, YOU, YIFAN, LUHAN, SOO OR DAE

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
That's because neither of us had ugly hairstyles

  
**Baekyawn:**  
You're really testing me today

  
**Jongdaeddy:**  
ITs not my FAULT ITS TRUE  
I love myself too much for that kind of self hatred

  
**Baekyawn:**  
WERE ALL DIFF PEOPLE  
WE ALL HAVE DIFF TASTES

  
**Kingjongin:**  
Exactly so if I liked my braids back then who are you to tell me they were ugly??

  
**Baekyawn:**  
Because they WERE ugly it's facts jong

  
**Kingjongin:**  
And it's facts that your mullet will never be in style  
I say chop it off and learn to love yourself (and your hair) again

  
**Baekyawn:**  
YOU FJCKUING LNOW WHAT  
I will NOT take this criticism any longer

  
_Baekyawn has removed himself from the chat._

  
**Luhandjob:**  
Chanyeol you're kind of influential when it comes to convincing baek  
Make him shave it off

  
**Realpcy:**  
Wish I could but  
I think you forgot just how stubborn baekhyun is

  
**Huzitao:**  
Well at the end of the day, it's you that's being seen with him not us ;))))

  
**Realpcy:**  
It's you that's gonna die alone not me ;)))

  
**Huzitao:**  
FUCK YOU WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is horrible. I'm sorry  
> But there's more horrible to come :^)


End file.
